I read a publication on diabetes yesterday, mostly out of curiosity. There were some intruiging figures and facts in there. One thing I did take away, was a way to get around HUGE portions... ask for a to go box as soon as the meal is placed in front of you... put 1/2 in the box right away and eat as normal. Wow I liked that!
Also I took away there is a study out there that's showing that drininking more than 8 cola drinks in a day can basically kill your pancreace (that is probably my smoking gun). Food for thought.
Workout went fab yesterday, same ol same ol. I am feeling good, thinking about throwing in some fencing work into the workout, trim my butt up s'more. I also found out I can take ONE guest with me to work out now!! So my sister is in for some fun when she visits! Any other takers??
Monday, May 31, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
quantity or quality?
Today is a day many people get together and barbecue, tomorrow too, memorial day weekend seems to be the day to fire up the grill and bring over some buddies and just enjoy a warm day in the sun, eating.
It got me thinking about one thing my nutritionist liked to gripe about, serving size. And I have to say I agree with her, BUT I must amend things before I say she's right.
Yes our serving sizes are out of control, case in point, I ordered a regular drink, and got a large (I thought I was just lucky, got more than I payed for), about 3 days later I went back to the same place, ordered a small drink for my daughter, and she got a medium cup, I asked to be sure if it was right, it was. OMG to see the happy 2 yr old with the giant cup. Our burgers are 3 times the size they should be, side dishes are ridiculous, 3-4 servings per plate.
HOWEVER, no one is forcing you to eat it all... no gun to your head "Eat it or I will shoot you". That is all well under your self-control, and the only one failing you is you.
My amendment... It's not just that we're getting MORE, but more of what's not good. Back to the weekend bbq.... we were invited to one, and I sidestepped it for this very reason (that and one other, they were all smokers and drinkers and we're not). Most of these backyard bbq's assume everyone is just as healthy as they are, so for starters, no diet drinks or unsweetened tea (not down south), just water.
Now what do you eat at a bbq? Hot dogs? Ribs? Hamburgers? Sausage? Whatever the meat(s) of choice are, totally irrelevant. Side dishes; potato salad (50% fat mayo, and carbie potatoes), corn (carbs), bread (carbs), macaroni salad (carbs and mayo again), fruit (sugar), and there might MIGHT be a salad, MAYBE even a veggie tray. So a hot dog and some carrot sticks, woo hoo, wash that down with some water, and that's a killer bbq! Hold me back!
Firstly, why is every American holiday and excuse to eat? Easter "get together and eat copious amounts of ham", memorial and labor days "get together and bbq", Halloween "eat candy", thanksgiving "get together and eat copious amounts of turkey", Christmas "eat Christmas dinner all day starting at 3 pm, just like thanksgiving", new years "get together and drink copiously", okay I guess new year's is an exception. Aside from that, why is it always double, triple and sometimes nothing but carbs and sugars???? YUCK!
My family hated that I put my foot down on thanksgiving, my husband still thinks I am a communist. Dinner is served at DINNER time, 5 ish or later. We have ONE meat, ONE carb, not stuffing AND potatoes AND bread, just ONE... and veggies are VEGGIES not carbs (no peas, beans, corn). At his house growing up there was potatoes, and stuffing, and bread, and corn, and sweet potatoes (with brown sugar and marshmallows), the meat of choice (possibly a second), lima beans, the list goes on. I can at least say for my mother that there was veggie trays to munch on all day, but even we were guilty like that.
What happened to us??
I submit that we need to change and stop blaming others. Take a look at our habits... and take a stand, it starts with us!!
Didn't weigh myself today, sorry. Been a busy day... workout tomorrow, wish me luck!
It got me thinking about one thing my nutritionist liked to gripe about, serving size. And I have to say I agree with her, BUT I must amend things before I say she's right.
Yes our serving sizes are out of control, case in point, I ordered a regular drink, and got a large (I thought I was just lucky, got more than I payed for), about 3 days later I went back to the same place, ordered a small drink for my daughter, and she got a medium cup, I asked to be sure if it was right, it was. OMG to see the happy 2 yr old with the giant cup. Our burgers are 3 times the size they should be, side dishes are ridiculous, 3-4 servings per plate.
HOWEVER, no one is forcing you to eat it all... no gun to your head "Eat it or I will shoot you". That is all well under your self-control, and the only one failing you is you.
My amendment... It's not just that we're getting MORE, but more of what's not good. Back to the weekend bbq.... we were invited to one, and I sidestepped it for this very reason (that and one other, they were all smokers and drinkers and we're not). Most of these backyard bbq's assume everyone is just as healthy as they are, so for starters, no diet drinks or unsweetened tea (not down south), just water.
Now what do you eat at a bbq? Hot dogs? Ribs? Hamburgers? Sausage? Whatever the meat(s) of choice are, totally irrelevant. Side dishes; potato salad (50% fat mayo, and carbie potatoes), corn (carbs), bread (carbs), macaroni salad (carbs and mayo again), fruit (sugar), and there might MIGHT be a salad, MAYBE even a veggie tray. So a hot dog and some carrot sticks, woo hoo, wash that down with some water, and that's a killer bbq! Hold me back!
Firstly, why is every American holiday and excuse to eat? Easter "get together and eat copious amounts of ham", memorial and labor days "get together and bbq", Halloween "eat candy", thanksgiving "get together and eat copious amounts of turkey", Christmas "eat Christmas dinner all day starting at 3 pm, just like thanksgiving", new years "get together and drink copiously", okay I guess new year's is an exception. Aside from that, why is it always double, triple and sometimes nothing but carbs and sugars???? YUCK!
My family hated that I put my foot down on thanksgiving, my husband still thinks I am a communist. Dinner is served at DINNER time, 5 ish or later. We have ONE meat, ONE carb, not stuffing AND potatoes AND bread, just ONE... and veggies are VEGGIES not carbs (no peas, beans, corn). At his house growing up there was potatoes, and stuffing, and bread, and corn, and sweet potatoes (with brown sugar and marshmallows), the meat of choice (possibly a second), lima beans, the list goes on. I can at least say for my mother that there was veggie trays to munch on all day, but even we were guilty like that.
What happened to us??
I submit that we need to change and stop blaming others. Take a look at our habits... and take a stand, it starts with us!!
Didn't weigh myself today, sorry. Been a busy day... workout tomorrow, wish me luck!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Body Dysmorphic Disorder
It is still buzzing in my head how much it bothers me that people don't say, omg you've lost so much weight since i've seen you last. I did come up with another possibility, one I really don't like, but it very likely.
People don't notice I am thinner because I am still overweight. Fat is fat. If you are overweight it doesn't matter if it's 10 pounds or 100 pounds. And that makes me sad. Either your fit or your fat. No in between.
Have we as a society become that messed up in the head that body dysmorphic disorder just runs rampant? I don't pretend to be innocent of it either, what I see in the mirror is about 100 pounds heavier than what I really am. And I see people all the time give me such a wide berth when they pass me it's like I am 6 feet wide. I'd say it's all in my head, and I am being paranoid, but I know I'm not.
I'd get on a soap box and say blame tv! Blame the advertisement companies! Blame society! But it doesn't matter who's to blame. It you and me who's gotta fix it. I am not saying put more people on tv that are fat, and I am not saying everyone get thin, and I am not saying love who you are. Altho, some of those things should be done. But maybe we should voice out when we see these things happening, nip it in the bud early on... or teach what BDD is in school, bring a little awareness out in the world.
I dunno, I will just say I am frustrated.
Going to the gym today, I feel like hell, but I am going just the same. Maybe it'll be a good pick me up.
People don't notice I am thinner because I am still overweight. Fat is fat. If you are overweight it doesn't matter if it's 10 pounds or 100 pounds. And that makes me sad. Either your fit or your fat. No in between.
Have we as a society become that messed up in the head that body dysmorphic disorder just runs rampant? I don't pretend to be innocent of it either, what I see in the mirror is about 100 pounds heavier than what I really am. And I see people all the time give me such a wide berth when they pass me it's like I am 6 feet wide. I'd say it's all in my head, and I am being paranoid, but I know I'm not.
I'd get on a soap box and say blame tv! Blame the advertisement companies! Blame society! But it doesn't matter who's to blame. It you and me who's gotta fix it. I am not saying put more people on tv that are fat, and I am not saying everyone get thin, and I am not saying love who you are. Altho, some of those things should be done. But maybe we should voice out when we see these things happening, nip it in the bud early on... or teach what BDD is in school, bring a little awareness out in the world.
I dunno, I will just say I am frustrated.
Going to the gym today, I feel like hell, but I am going just the same. Maybe it'll be a good pick me up.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I didnt recognize you!
I didn't recognize you... don't know if that's a compliment or an insult. I strive to blend, I don't expect anyone to remember me (unless we talk and bond).
In the last few weeks I have run into several people who I did talk and bond shortly with, who didn't recognize me at first. The first of which, my ex-next door neighbor from living on base... who "nearly didn't recognize" me. I said, could it be that I am 30 pounds lighter (at that time) and a red head (not anymore)? That one I understood. The people I bought my home from... last week, but that's okay I blocked them out, so I didn't recognize them at first either. But they didn't mention why they didn't know who I was at first... either they never realized it, or were too embarrassed to say "wow you were fatter before!"
Then there was a friend of my husband's who lived with us for a few months last year, he knew us, certainly. He found a few of the pounds I lost for certain. He wasn't surprised at my loss, more happy for me. But again it didn't click with him right away.
I wish I had old and new photos to share with you. Because I find myself thinking... is a 40 pound loss that unnoticeable? Or are they just being polite? Yes, I am still fat, but definitely not as fat as before. I suppose I wish someone would see it in me without me fishing for it. I would love to hear it, no matter how insulting they could make it... wow you were a heifer before! Wow, your face looks so good now! Whatever. I just feel sometimes like the only thing recording a loss is my scale. Well, my husband too- but he'd love me if I was 400 pounds.
AND by the way 48/41/46 (hips, waist, bust last measured was 52/46/49 on april 22nd) +235!!!
(holy crap that's -3in on my tits, -5in on my waist and -4in on my hips!!)
Not much had changed in my eating habits... good breakfast of egg and sausage, decent lunch of sandwich wrap, mostly veggies, horrid dinner of mc'd's (haven't cooked a lot since the job started, but it's over now!)
Going back to workouts on thursday, I sorta don't wanna, but I need to get back in the swing of things for sure!
In the last few weeks I have run into several people who I did talk and bond shortly with, who didn't recognize me at first. The first of which, my ex-next door neighbor from living on base... who "nearly didn't recognize" me. I said, could it be that I am 30 pounds lighter (at that time) and a red head (not anymore)? That one I understood. The people I bought my home from... last week, but that's okay I blocked them out, so I didn't recognize them at first either. But they didn't mention why they didn't know who I was at first... either they never realized it, or were too embarrassed to say "wow you were fatter before!"
Then there was a friend of my husband's who lived with us for a few months last year, he knew us, certainly. He found a few of the pounds I lost for certain. He wasn't surprised at my loss, more happy for me. But again it didn't click with him right away.
I wish I had old and new photos to share with you. Because I find myself thinking... is a 40 pound loss that unnoticeable? Or are they just being polite? Yes, I am still fat, but definitely not as fat as before. I suppose I wish someone would see it in me without me fishing for it. I would love to hear it, no matter how insulting they could make it... wow you were a heifer before! Wow, your face looks so good now! Whatever. I just feel sometimes like the only thing recording a loss is my scale. Well, my husband too- but he'd love me if I was 400 pounds.
AND by the way 48/41/46 (hips, waist, bust last measured was 52/46/49 on april 22nd) +235!!!
(holy crap that's -3in on my tits, -5in on my waist and -4in on my hips!!)
Not much had changed in my eating habits... good breakfast of egg and sausage, decent lunch of sandwich wrap, mostly veggies, horrid dinner of mc'd's (haven't cooked a lot since the job started, but it's over now!)
Going back to workouts on thursday, I sorta don't wanna, but I need to get back in the swing of things for sure!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
cycles and food bandaides
To the mend who read this blog- I apologise for the subject matter; however if this stuff bothers you, I don't know how you'll ever expect to have any long term female companionship in your life.
WHY is it that a menstrual cycle screws everything up!? I wanna eat more, sleep more and lay around listlessly. It's a recipe for disaster when it comes to diet and exercise.
The biggest problem is the "food band aide". It is likely something your parents taught you, if you have this issue, and a behavior impossible to break. This is what you use when you feel bad either emotionally or physically. Bad day? Ice cream! Fall down? Candy!
I can see the ease in doing in to my own child, a sucker stops crying quickly, and a cookie can sweeten up the baddest of attitudes in a flash. My husband is the worst sinner of all in this household. I catch him giving our daughter sweets and snacks to change her mind, attitude, etc. Even worse he does it to himself. If he's had a bad day... chocolate beware! He'll binge eat everything and anything in sight. I have been known to give myself food bandages from time to time. But in general, I try to keep myself under control, and stick to full meals as comfort food (look out sushi- here I come!) and snacks.
There really isn't a cold turkey solution to fixing the bad behavior. Altho, there are some fix-it solutions. If you have to have a sunday for dinner, have a salad for dessert. If it has to be chocolate, stick to ONE regular sized bar, and eat it SLOWLY. If it HAS to be french fries, get a side salad too, or better yet, make them at home, and bake them instead!
Exercise, well, no solution there either I am afraid. But I will say attitude is everything. Exercise isn't something you HAVE to do, it shouldn't be a punishment. If you don't wanna do it. DON'T. By all means, take a day off, take a week off, quit if you want to. Exercise is something you need to make friends with, realize that yes, it's hard, yes, it wears you out, makes you sweat. But it also makes you feel good. Better. Best! It's something that you need to come to terms with personally and do what makes you happy. It's a should, not a have to. And if you can get to a place where it's a want to... you win!
My job is over! I turn in my last bits of paperwork tomorrow! We're still renovating the house, and it needs a big fat spring cleaning. But things should be getting back to normal now. So blogs should come more regularly from here on out. Thanks for sticking with me!
WHY is it that a menstrual cycle screws everything up!? I wanna eat more, sleep more and lay around listlessly. It's a recipe for disaster when it comes to diet and exercise.
The biggest problem is the "food band aide". It is likely something your parents taught you, if you have this issue, and a behavior impossible to break. This is what you use when you feel bad either emotionally or physically. Bad day? Ice cream! Fall down? Candy!
I can see the ease in doing in to my own child, a sucker stops crying quickly, and a cookie can sweeten up the baddest of attitudes in a flash. My husband is the worst sinner of all in this household. I catch him giving our daughter sweets and snacks to change her mind, attitude, etc. Even worse he does it to himself. If he's had a bad day... chocolate beware! He'll binge eat everything and anything in sight. I have been known to give myself food bandages from time to time. But in general, I try to keep myself under control, and stick to full meals as comfort food (look out sushi- here I come!) and snacks.
There really isn't a cold turkey solution to fixing the bad behavior. Altho, there are some fix-it solutions. If you have to have a sunday for dinner, have a salad for dessert. If it has to be chocolate, stick to ONE regular sized bar, and eat it SLOWLY. If it HAS to be french fries, get a side salad too, or better yet, make them at home, and bake them instead!
Exercise, well, no solution there either I am afraid. But I will say attitude is everything. Exercise isn't something you HAVE to do, it shouldn't be a punishment. If you don't wanna do it. DON'T. By all means, take a day off, take a week off, quit if you want to. Exercise is something you need to make friends with, realize that yes, it's hard, yes, it wears you out, makes you sweat. But it also makes you feel good. Better. Best! It's something that you need to come to terms with personally and do what makes you happy. It's a should, not a have to. And if you can get to a place where it's a want to... you win!
My job is over! I turn in my last bits of paperwork tomorrow! We're still renovating the house, and it needs a big fat spring cleaning. But things should be getting back to normal now. So blogs should come more regularly from here on out. Thanks for sticking with me!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
another quickie
Okay, I am doing something right? My numbers are dropping, which is great. I can start lowering my insulin dosages again. Still havent gotten back to having time to workout (but the job is almost over now). I am still eating better than I had been. And the plateau has been broken at last!
I might be able to find time to workout today, altho I am not sure I wanna... PMS'ing again, so exhausted. All I wanna do is sleep. SO we shall see...
by the way, stepped on the scale today.... +236!!!
I might be able to find time to workout today, altho I am not sure I wanna... PMS'ing again, so exhausted. All I wanna do is sleep. SO we shall see...
by the way, stepped on the scale today.... +236!!!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
a day for the soul
You know those days/times when you're working at your job, or home, or with your kids and everything isn't necessarily going wrong, but it isn't quite right. Things are more difficult than you are prepared to handle that day, and you want to quit? Take a day for the soul.
I know in some situations, it's easier said than done.
My kid has been a little hard to handle lately (terrible twos) and work is getting overwhelming, I have put off so much of my life for it already, and now it's becoming even bigger, I want to quit. Last night I almost turned in everything and said thanks, but I don't NEED this crap, and I don't need this job.
Instead, I took a night off and spent it with my family.
They key to nights like this is to only do things you WANT to do, instead of HAVE to do. We ate boiled crawfish (last of the season) cuz it's currently the favorite food in the house (cheap, good, quick, fun, healthy). We went shopping for home stuff, I refused a poopie diaper (take that husband!), and we went home and watched our favorite tv program on dvd (boston legal).
All in all a good day.
Am I prepared to go back to it? More than I was yesterday. Do I still want to quit? YES. WILL I quit? Probably not today. But it's looking like it'll be soon. My income isn't helping out the household, it's for when my mom comes to visit so we can have some fun. I cant workout, I have groceries we bought on the 1st going bad, since I am not home to cook (and my husband WONT cook). My family cant learn to clean up after themselves, so I get to do it all when I get home, since I don't have the ability to sit in the mess like it's nothing. The bottom line is that this job is too much for everyone. But without the extra cash- my mom's visit will consist of her complaining that we cant afford to do anything (and I already owe her about $250 for hotel rooms in New Orleans).
But for at least one more day, I am ready to soldier on.
+239
(ate a lot of crwafish last night lol)
Wont do a blow by blow on the diet, I cant remember much of yesterday. Things will be getting back to normal soon.
I know in some situations, it's easier said than done.
My kid has been a little hard to handle lately (terrible twos) and work is getting overwhelming, I have put off so much of my life for it already, and now it's becoming even bigger, I want to quit. Last night I almost turned in everything and said thanks, but I don't NEED this crap, and I don't need this job.
Instead, I took a night off and spent it with my family.
They key to nights like this is to only do things you WANT to do, instead of HAVE to do. We ate boiled crawfish (last of the season) cuz it's currently the favorite food in the house (cheap, good, quick, fun, healthy). We went shopping for home stuff, I refused a poopie diaper (take that husband!), and we went home and watched our favorite tv program on dvd (boston legal).
All in all a good day.
Am I prepared to go back to it? More than I was yesterday. Do I still want to quit? YES. WILL I quit? Probably not today. But it's looking like it'll be soon. My income isn't helping out the household, it's for when my mom comes to visit so we can have some fun. I cant workout, I have groceries we bought on the 1st going bad, since I am not home to cook (and my husband WONT cook). My family cant learn to clean up after themselves, so I get to do it all when I get home, since I don't have the ability to sit in the mess like it's nothing. The bottom line is that this job is too much for everyone. But without the extra cash- my mom's visit will consist of her complaining that we cant afford to do anything (and I already owe her about $250 for hotel rooms in New Orleans).
But for at least one more day, I am ready to soldier on.
+239
(ate a lot of crwafish last night lol)
Wont do a blow by blow on the diet, I cant remember much of yesterday. Things will be getting back to normal soon.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
fell off the face of the earth? I think not!
I fell right off the edge of the world, but I had a rope, and I climbed up it, and I am back! Sorry for my absence.
It got to the point that something had to give. As it turned out, it was 1 week of workouts and blogging. I tried my best to eat as good as I can. I wish I could give every detail of the last week. But with being tired comes memory loss.
I did see my new obgyn (the man helping me get pregnant) and he's sending me for another a1c (yet again) he also gave me a progesterone test, and sadly it's inconclusive. A borderline result, he's pretty sure I didn't ovulate, but the number wasn't a definite yes or no. He's putting me on a clomid challenge, and I get to be a pin cushion for tests during certain points in my next cycle (oh joy). So all I can do now is wait for my next cycle to start, and with the weird bloatedness I have been feeling on n off and the inability to keep from ripping people's heads off when they annoy me, it's any day now.
I got back on the workout last sunday, it felt good, but I ditched that machine that hurt my back, I also scaled it back about 10 mins. 20 on the elliptical, 10 rowing, 15 bike, and 5 sets of 15 at 40 lbs of crunches (I think I need to add 5 pounds).
I am also 238!!! So I have been shrinking slowly. A new photo and measurement aren't far off.
So again, I apologize. I have another month of work, so if you stick with me and have patience, there will be more, better, faster!
It got to the point that something had to give. As it turned out, it was 1 week of workouts and blogging. I tried my best to eat as good as I can. I wish I could give every detail of the last week. But with being tired comes memory loss.
I did see my new obgyn (the man helping me get pregnant) and he's sending me for another a1c (yet again) he also gave me a progesterone test, and sadly it's inconclusive. A borderline result, he's pretty sure I didn't ovulate, but the number wasn't a definite yes or no. He's putting me on a clomid challenge, and I get to be a pin cushion for tests during certain points in my next cycle (oh joy). So all I can do now is wait for my next cycle to start, and with the weird bloatedness I have been feeling on n off and the inability to keep from ripping people's heads off when they annoy me, it's any day now.
I got back on the workout last sunday, it felt good, but I ditched that machine that hurt my back, I also scaled it back about 10 mins. 20 on the elliptical, 10 rowing, 15 bike, and 5 sets of 15 at 40 lbs of crunches (I think I need to add 5 pounds).
I am also 238!!! So I have been shrinking slowly. A new photo and measurement aren't far off.
So again, I apologize. I have another month of work, so if you stick with me and have patience, there will be more, better, faster!
Monday, May 10, 2010
hurried
Hey! Another busy day, big surprise there. Tomorrow is looking equally as hurried.
I just cant believe how crazy the day has been, I don't even wanna list what I did. At least my back stopped spasming, I think I stressed it during workout yesterday (that new-ish machine) took ibuprofen last night so I could relax enuff to sleep, that didn't last. With my busy sched. today I either haven't had time to notice the pain, or am too focused and it relaxed out. I have a hunch it's the 1st one.
+242 (as I slowly begin to deflate again)
B- had lunch for breakfast, altho, it was lunch time... kid and I hit the ugly mc d's again. Snack wrap n a few fries for me... yay!
L- lunch was around 3pm, had a delectable sourdough sandwich with pickle, spinach, ham, salami, mozzarella cheese, red onion. I stayed well below all recommended serving sizes on the condiments (mustard and light mayo), bread, meat and cheese. It was like a veggie sandwich with a hint of sandwich lol.
D- Steak, a decent cut. Baked. Roasted red potatoes, asparagus, and broccoli. I ate very few potatoes. Even the kid was a never ending meat and broccoli eater, I think she came to dinner with a hollow leg! There's still a lot of potatoes left... hungry? I'll save you some!
I just cant believe how crazy the day has been, I don't even wanna list what I did. At least my back stopped spasming, I think I stressed it during workout yesterday (that new-ish machine) took ibuprofen last night so I could relax enuff to sleep, that didn't last. With my busy sched. today I either haven't had time to notice the pain, or am too focused and it relaxed out. I have a hunch it's the 1st one.
+242 (as I slowly begin to deflate again)
B- had lunch for breakfast, altho, it was lunch time... kid and I hit the ugly mc d's again. Snack wrap n a few fries for me... yay!
L- lunch was around 3pm, had a delectable sourdough sandwich with pickle, spinach, ham, salami, mozzarella cheese, red onion. I stayed well below all recommended serving sizes on the condiments (mustard and light mayo), bread, meat and cheese. It was like a veggie sandwich with a hint of sandwich lol.
D- Steak, a decent cut. Baked. Roasted red potatoes, asparagus, and broccoli. I ate very few potatoes. Even the kid was a never ending meat and broccoli eater, I think she came to dinner with a hollow leg! There's still a lot of potatoes left... hungry? I'll save you some!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
coulda been worse
I wish I could say that this weekend, or mother's day for that matter was restful. I finished my job assignments on friday, so it was a good sign this weekend was gonna be easy.
Instead it allowed us to go to Shreveport and get the floor we'll be installing all over the house. Try loading and unloading 31 boxes of laminate flooring, I only did about 1/3 the work... but it was a workout. Then today was a usual sunday, minus making my own breakfast. I still did laundry, dishes, made dinner... I couldn't even escape the diaper duty.
Am I bitter, yeah I a little. But hey, it's my life, I chose to live it.
+243 (I thought it was a mistake, but no... I gained 3 pounds over night, something just ain't right)
B- husband made me 2/2 eggs sausage (not knowing I moved to 1/1)
Workout, just like last time... was a little harder I will admit, being that I was already tired.
L- salad from charlies
D- Hot dogs on wheat buns, a little bit of chips and guacamole, and a little bit of sugar free ice cream for dessert.
Today was a well behaved day.
Instead it allowed us to go to Shreveport and get the floor we'll be installing all over the house. Try loading and unloading 31 boxes of laminate flooring, I only did about 1/3 the work... but it was a workout. Then today was a usual sunday, minus making my own breakfast. I still did laundry, dishes, made dinner... I couldn't even escape the diaper duty.
Am I bitter, yeah I a little. But hey, it's my life, I chose to live it.
+243 (I thought it was a mistake, but no... I gained 3 pounds over night, something just ain't right)
B- husband made me 2/2 eggs sausage (not knowing I moved to 1/1)
Workout, just like last time... was a little harder I will admit, being that I was already tired.
L- salad from charlies
D- Hot dogs on wheat buns, a little bit of chips and guacamole, and a little bit of sugar free ice cream for dessert.
Today was a well behaved day.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Motherhood
This is a subject I have been meaning to broach for sometime, but I thought I would save it for a more appropriate time.
While I was working out, I realized my stamina is much higher that it ever has been before. It's been about 3 years
(possibly more) since I have worked out, and even then, I just couldn't muster the stamina or the ability to push myself as
hard as I do now.
I began to mull over why that was, and only came up with one answer. Motherhood.
Since I have become a mother, I can go longer without food, sleep, or stopping. I can push myself longer, harder and
much more mercilessly. I am amazed everyday on how much taxing abuse I can dole out to myself or endure from others
in the name of caring for others. And of course in that pursuit- not caring for myself at all.
It gives me a new found respect for my own mother.
It also reminds me, that altho it's nice to be able to push myself that hour in the gym even when I want to give up and
quit... I need to remember to look out for me. It's come to the point now, I set alarms to remember to take my insulin, soon
it will be alarms to remember to eat, and take my blood sugar too, bedtime... what else??
I know I'm not alone out there... MOMS... even tho your priorities have shifted toward other's needs first... it's not wrong,
or selfish or sinful to put YOU first. It may be more pressing or rewarding to put you last. But in the end the brass tax of it
is (no matter how blunt this sounds), kids move away, spouses die, and the only person you live with for the rest of your
life is you. No one else is gonna have your back for the rest of your life but you. And no one is to blame for shortening
your life but you.
You may eat well, you may exercise, you may not drink or smoke or engage in risky behavior of the common types. But
not looking out for your own needs, not eating 3 squares and taking breaks, sleeping your average 8, drinking 8 glasses
of water, peeing when your body tells you that you gotta go, showering often, thinking personal selfish thoughts that you
are entitled to have... not doing those things contributes to an early grave too!!!
So moms, non moms and non females, take this to heart; take care of yourself, you are never going to be any good to
anyone else if you don't. In the end if you want to put others first, you're giving them the short end of the stick by screwing
yourself!!!
---- TO all you who are mothers, have mothers, and all you other mutha's... Happy Mother's Day!!-----
+240 (woomp, there it is)
B- my evil husband talked me into the donut shop for a butter flaky fresh baked croissant... they were all out (bastards),
so I settled for an old, squished up croissant with a jalapeno sausage in it (not good, but at least it didn't leave me
wanting more that I should have)
L- on the road, stopped at a BBQ place called Podnuh's... so freaking good. Had sausage (this seems like a theme
today, what is it I am missing eh?) and the most amazing baked beans this side of heaven. Only 1/4 cup if that, and a
bite of not so tasty potato salad.
D- J&T's crawfish shack... mmmm... my mouth is still burning. 1/2 ear of corn, one teeny red potato, 2 pound of boiled
crawfish and one... you guessed it... sausage.
Can anyone spare a vegetable? I seem to be missing some! Green preferred!!!
While I was working out, I realized my stamina is much higher that it ever has been before. It's been about 3 years
(possibly more) since I have worked out, and even then, I just couldn't muster the stamina or the ability to push myself as
hard as I do now.
I began to mull over why that was, and only came up with one answer. Motherhood.
Since I have become a mother, I can go longer without food, sleep, or stopping. I can push myself longer, harder and
much more mercilessly. I am amazed everyday on how much taxing abuse I can dole out to myself or endure from others
in the name of caring for others. And of course in that pursuit- not caring for myself at all.
It gives me a new found respect for my own mother.
It also reminds me, that altho it's nice to be able to push myself that hour in the gym even when I want to give up and
quit... I need to remember to look out for me. It's come to the point now, I set alarms to remember to take my insulin, soon
it will be alarms to remember to eat, and take my blood sugar too, bedtime... what else??
I know I'm not alone out there... MOMS... even tho your priorities have shifted toward other's needs first... it's not wrong,
or selfish or sinful to put YOU first. It may be more pressing or rewarding to put you last. But in the end the brass tax of it
is (no matter how blunt this sounds), kids move away, spouses die, and the only person you live with for the rest of your
life is you. No one else is gonna have your back for the rest of your life but you. And no one is to blame for shortening
your life but you.
You may eat well, you may exercise, you may not drink or smoke or engage in risky behavior of the common types. But
not looking out for your own needs, not eating 3 squares and taking breaks, sleeping your average 8, drinking 8 glasses
of water, peeing when your body tells you that you gotta go, showering often, thinking personal selfish thoughts that you
are entitled to have... not doing those things contributes to an early grave too!!!
So moms, non moms and non females, take this to heart; take care of yourself, you are never going to be any good to
anyone else if you don't. In the end if you want to put others first, you're giving them the short end of the stick by screwing
yourself!!!
---- TO all you who are mothers, have mothers, and all you other mutha's... Happy Mother's Day!!-----
+240 (woomp, there it is)
B- my evil husband talked me into the donut shop for a butter flaky fresh baked croissant... they were all out (bastards),
so I settled for an old, squished up croissant with a jalapeno sausage in it (not good, but at least it didn't leave me
wanting more that I should have)
L- on the road, stopped at a BBQ place called Podnuh's... so freaking good. Had sausage (this seems like a theme
today, what is it I am missing eh?) and the most amazing baked beans this side of heaven. Only 1/4 cup if that, and a
bite of not so tasty potato salad.
D- J&T's crawfish shack... mmmm... my mouth is still burning. 1/2 ear of corn, one teeny red potato, 2 pound of boiled
crawfish and one... you guessed it... sausage.
Can anyone spare a vegetable? I seem to be missing some! Green preferred!!!
Friday, May 7, 2010
sinful convenience
I have finally stopped. FINALLY. I have been up and running since 8am. And those of you who don't know me, that's about 4 hours earlier than normal. And those of you who read last night's blog can see how little sleep I got. Man I coulda used a nap today.
Been running errands like crazy.
Food was all bad all day. I can see now why people across America are gaining weight. Convenience foods are what's killing us. If you have a job, kids, and other commitments there is no time to grocery shop and cook good, healthy at home meals. What's quick and easy? Drive thru. And there are SOME healthy alternatives mind you. But they are foods that are still designed to be sitting at a table to eat. Altho, if someone can drive, smoke, text, and apply make up I don't see why eating a salad behind the wheel could present a challenge.
It's a totally bad habit to eat and run. The reason we're gaining weight is that we've moved away from "meal time" which at one point was almost ceremonial. Set the table, say grace, eat with manners and catch up with the family. No, we just cant stop. Things to do, people to see. Still gotta eat, grab n gag drive thru, eat in the car.
The calories alone are mind boggling. Add in the sugars, cholesterol, fat... too many of those grab n gags are gonna lead to grab and drop dead. And you may think that it's not an all the time thing, or even a once a day thing. Fast food isn't the only culprit. What about vending machines? Gas stations? Mini marts? The bottom line is that if you don't make it yourself, you're getting the worst version of whatever it is.
Today had shown me, really... how I got fat, how I got sick, and why. I tried to squeeze WEEKS worth of errands into one day, because this is the 1st day I have had the car and money and free time, all at the same time. I wont bore you with details. But I got a lot done, to the detriment of my diet.
+239 (it's stayed... we'll see tomorrow tho)
B- Mcd's yep... my weakness for Mcd's breakfast took hold, but I was pretty good, sugar wise (fat is another story)... sausage mc muffin NO egg (their eggs are gross).
Workout- same ol same ol, 20 elip. added another set to crunch machine (5 reps of 15@ 40lbs), added 2 sets on a machine that hits my back and shoulder muscles (2 reps of 15 @ 20lbs), 12 on the rowing machine and 20 on the stationary bike with a res. of 5.
L- back again, had to bribe the baby to leave daycare (where she was for my workout) with french fries. 10 piece chicken nuggets are within my dietary limits, but I was STARVING, so I ate a reg. fry too... good thing too, about 10 mins after I ate I remembered to take my sugar... I was 45, tanked after the workout, so those fries ended up being guiltless.
D- bleh, pizza hut, 10 mild buffalo wings (probably okay, but I didn't ask to see the dietary stats on it, I was hungry and they had no salad bar no sandwiches avail. and they were the last place open that had no drive thru) and 2 pizza roll up thingies. I shoulda stopped at one probably.
All in all, for what it was, I am not totally ashamed. But still, not so good.
I get a day off tomorrow, I get to cook!!
Been running errands like crazy.
Food was all bad all day. I can see now why people across America are gaining weight. Convenience foods are what's killing us. If you have a job, kids, and other commitments there is no time to grocery shop and cook good, healthy at home meals. What's quick and easy? Drive thru. And there are SOME healthy alternatives mind you. But they are foods that are still designed to be sitting at a table to eat. Altho, if someone can drive, smoke, text, and apply make up I don't see why eating a salad behind the wheel could present a challenge.
It's a totally bad habit to eat and run. The reason we're gaining weight is that we've moved away from "meal time" which at one point was almost ceremonial. Set the table, say grace, eat with manners and catch up with the family. No, we just cant stop. Things to do, people to see. Still gotta eat, grab n gag drive thru, eat in the car.
The calories alone are mind boggling. Add in the sugars, cholesterol, fat... too many of those grab n gags are gonna lead to grab and drop dead. And you may think that it's not an all the time thing, or even a once a day thing. Fast food isn't the only culprit. What about vending machines? Gas stations? Mini marts? The bottom line is that if you don't make it yourself, you're getting the worst version of whatever it is.
Today had shown me, really... how I got fat, how I got sick, and why. I tried to squeeze WEEKS worth of errands into one day, because this is the 1st day I have had the car and money and free time, all at the same time. I wont bore you with details. But I got a lot done, to the detriment of my diet.
+239 (it's stayed... we'll see tomorrow tho)
B- Mcd's yep... my weakness for Mcd's breakfast took hold, but I was pretty good, sugar wise (fat is another story)... sausage mc muffin NO egg (their eggs are gross).
Workout- same ol same ol, 20 elip. added another set to crunch machine (5 reps of 15@ 40lbs), added 2 sets on a machine that hits my back and shoulder muscles (2 reps of 15 @ 20lbs), 12 on the rowing machine and 20 on the stationary bike with a res. of 5.
L- back again, had to bribe the baby to leave daycare (where she was for my workout) with french fries. 10 piece chicken nuggets are within my dietary limits, but I was STARVING, so I ate a reg. fry too... good thing too, about 10 mins after I ate I remembered to take my sugar... I was 45, tanked after the workout, so those fries ended up being guiltless.
D- bleh, pizza hut, 10 mild buffalo wings (probably okay, but I didn't ask to see the dietary stats on it, I was hungry and they had no salad bar no sandwiches avail. and they were the last place open that had no drive thru) and 2 pizza roll up thingies. I shoulda stopped at one probably.
All in all, for what it was, I am not totally ashamed. But still, not so good.
I get a day off tomorrow, I get to cook!!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
is it really 130am?
It's 130am, and I gotta get up at 8 tomorrow for a nonstop day.
Why am I here at the computer instead of in bed you ask? It's called dedication. And maybe part stubborn. I make a commitment, and until it becomes detrimental to me, I stick with it. I know what you're thinking... how can 130am be good?! It's not. But one day like this does not a detriment make. Sounding like Yoda I am. Sorry, strayed there.
Long day too long to think straight.
+239
B- 2 dry waffles
L- Sandwich wrap, just like the other day, but with salami instead of turkey
D- Sushi- bad in disguise. One or two rolls is borderline, sashimi is better... why is it bad you ask? white rice, and lots of it. The average serving of rice is 1/4 cup, and that is masked easily in a sushi roll, one roll can have 1/4-1/2 cup of rice!! How many rolls can YOU eat? I had 2 spicy tuna hand rolls (and our guy doesn't use mayo in the spicy sauce), and one crunch roll, extra bad, had tempura crumbles in it. I will say tho- I didn't order a side of rice like I used to (pre diagnosis) and I didn't get any deep-fried rolls either. I will admit, I need to move to sashimi, no rice there =) just yummy, raw, wriggling fishes.
Been staving off a hellofa headache, need to drink more water... I get to suffer thru another workout tomorrow, wish me luck!
Why am I here at the computer instead of in bed you ask? It's called dedication. And maybe part stubborn. I make a commitment, and until it becomes detrimental to me, I stick with it. I know what you're thinking... how can 130am be good?! It's not. But one day like this does not a detriment make. Sounding like Yoda I am. Sorry, strayed there.
Long day too long to think straight.
+239
B- 2 dry waffles
L- Sandwich wrap, just like the other day, but with salami instead of turkey
D- Sushi- bad in disguise. One or two rolls is borderline, sashimi is better... why is it bad you ask? white rice, and lots of it. The average serving of rice is 1/4 cup, and that is masked easily in a sushi roll, one roll can have 1/4-1/2 cup of rice!! How many rolls can YOU eat? I had 2 spicy tuna hand rolls (and our guy doesn't use mayo in the spicy sauce), and one crunch roll, extra bad, had tempura crumbles in it. I will say tho- I didn't order a side of rice like I used to (pre diagnosis) and I didn't get any deep-fried rolls either. I will admit, I need to move to sashimi, no rice there =) just yummy, raw, wriggling fishes.
Been staving off a hellofa headache, need to drink more water... I get to suffer thru another workout tomorrow, wish me luck!
Muse
okay so I didn't get to it last night, it looks like instead of late night blogs, it may be first in the morning blogs.
I just didn't stop yesterday. Farted around till 12, then off to drop off husband back at work, had the car, kid at daycare for 3 hours, workout, get kid, get groceries, put them home, prep dinner so husband can cook, get husband, drop kid and husband off at home, go to work, come home and eat, try to finish paperwork, go get more groceries, put them away (it's already 1130pm), put trash out, feed animals, put kid to bed (ya ya she had a late night), husband wants what? no. By now its after midnight, blood sugar, insulin, crash. No blog, no shower... that's what today is for but not much time either. OH GOD.
+239
B- 1 1/2 eggs and 1 sausage
L- started tanking in the levels, so I got to eat 1/2 an orange with my hotpocket before the workout, so I wouldn't tank during the workout and pass out off my elliptical.
Workout- same ol workout, 20 on the elliptical, 4 reps of 15 at 30 pounds on the crunch machine. The rowing macine is my new Everest, I cant seem to be able to surpass 10 mins without wanting to die. I suppose I can increase by 2 min each time. Stationary bike 20 mins.
I came to an interesting realization while I was there. Firstly, in the row behind and to the left of me when I got on the elliptical, there was a BIG guy, he was way outta shape... he had tig ol' biddies, bigger than mine. And he was struggling. I got on, and never changed my fast pace, but I watched him look at me and step up his game. I don't think it was cuz he thought I was cute either. I am sure he looked at me, saw that I was big like him and I could keep a steady fast pace, so why couldn't he.
I realized that I like being a motivator. But what I want, why I am down on myself all the time, is I want to be a muse. Some one's muse. That beautiful girl on the Chris Isaak music video, no one knows her name, but she's so sexy. The girl you see at the restaurant that you're too afraid to talk to. The one guys think about when... well. I know I am happily married, it's not about straying. I want to be wanted, envied maybe. I think the reason I want it so bad is because I used to have it as a teen, but I was so beat down emotionally I never knew how amazing I looked. I am aware now, so I want it back. I wanna be a muse, someone to admire and inspire. Is that too much to ask for?
D- 2 cheese enchiladas and 1 tbs of refried beans, Happy Cinco de mayo!
I just didn't stop yesterday. Farted around till 12, then off to drop off husband back at work, had the car, kid at daycare for 3 hours, workout, get kid, get groceries, put them home, prep dinner so husband can cook, get husband, drop kid and husband off at home, go to work, come home and eat, try to finish paperwork, go get more groceries, put them away (it's already 1130pm), put trash out, feed animals, put kid to bed (ya ya she had a late night), husband wants what? no. By now its after midnight, blood sugar, insulin, crash. No blog, no shower... that's what today is for but not much time either. OH GOD.
+239
B- 1 1/2 eggs and 1 sausage
L- started tanking in the levels, so I got to eat 1/2 an orange with my hotpocket before the workout, so I wouldn't tank during the workout and pass out off my elliptical.
Workout- same ol workout, 20 on the elliptical, 4 reps of 15 at 30 pounds on the crunch machine. The rowing macine is my new Everest, I cant seem to be able to surpass 10 mins without wanting to die. I suppose I can increase by 2 min each time. Stationary bike 20 mins.
I came to an interesting realization while I was there. Firstly, in the row behind and to the left of me when I got on the elliptical, there was a BIG guy, he was way outta shape... he had tig ol' biddies, bigger than mine. And he was struggling. I got on, and never changed my fast pace, but I watched him look at me and step up his game. I don't think it was cuz he thought I was cute either. I am sure he looked at me, saw that I was big like him and I could keep a steady fast pace, so why couldn't he.
I realized that I like being a motivator. But what I want, why I am down on myself all the time, is I want to be a muse. Some one's muse. That beautiful girl on the Chris Isaak music video, no one knows her name, but she's so sexy. The girl you see at the restaurant that you're too afraid to talk to. The one guys think about when... well. I know I am happily married, it's not about straying. I want to be wanted, envied maybe. I think the reason I want it so bad is because I used to have it as a teen, but I was so beat down emotionally I never knew how amazing I looked. I am aware now, so I want it back. I wanna be a muse, someone to admire and inspire. Is that too much to ask for?
D- 2 cheese enchiladas and 1 tbs of refried beans, Happy Cinco de mayo!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
excuses and pitfalls
I know this is the 2nd blog of the day, but I am trying to get back into the groove of things, so this will be short, more like the beginning stuff... just humor me, kay?
I had an intriguing conversation with my mother. I don't discuss weight loss with her, because about the time I was hearing her complain about her issues with loosing her gallbladder, I decided that her views weren't completely 20/20, in that she was kidding herself about her diet.
(and if you're reading this mom, and are offended, I apologise)
She'd tell me that her diet was full of veggies and fish, all the while gobbing on cream cheese to a bagel. I will admit her diet didn't suck, but there were places she could trim the fat, as it were.
I digress.
We were chatting about weight loss and I heard a common excuse about walking. "I know my neighborhood, I have seen it often, walking it is boring, the same old things to look at". That one I could ignore. Not walking the neighborhood is an easy thing to excuse yourself out of. "It's too hot/cold/windy/wet/boring/full of hoodlums/etc." I said, I go to the gym because it's free (military benefit) and it gets me away from the baby and since I am out and away from my comfort zone it removes the excuses. You need to find a place you like to be, that's easy to get to, and easy to be at.
Some people have gym excuses too, I did in the beginning... "they're judging me". That's a big one. I almost fell for it. But I scoped out the gym at a couple of different times during the day. Yes, it's full of hard-bodied military men (*blush*), but it also has old retirees, and people working thru injuries, pregnant women, and please forgive my candidness... heifers struggling thru their workouts too. So I knew I wouldn't be the only heifer there sweating and making the people who work at the gym hang out by the aed machine "just in case". Knowing I wasn't alone made it easier to get it done. I find now, that I go when it's less populated (not liking to share my usual machines with others or even have competition to get on it), and it makes it much easier to focus, which I have to do, so I can push past my initial response to quit.
She did admit... "if I had someone to work out with me, to call me up and tell me to get off my ass and come walk with them..." but I cut her off. I had a friend, a wonderful motivated friend, my best friend actually. Perky, excited, motivated, insistant. I started to avoid her. Which inevitably anyone would do. You have to be self motivated. Truly truly want to do it. No one else can push, prod, tug, pull, ootch, harry or harrass you into wanting to get off your ass, unless you wanted to already.
She had another excuse that I hear a lot from her... "I have no time, I work". BAD BAD BAD BAD. I said to her, I told myself that I was no longer going to let a job, ANY job, make me compromise myself, my family or my health. EVER.
Too many years of letting bosses make me feel like they owned me made me not care anymore. Fire me, I could give a crap less. I don't NEED this job, there are others out there. What I NEED is to live to see my daughter graduate, get married, have babies. And working in a place that makes it impossible to find the time to eat right, exercise and care for myself in general, or makes me see my family less than I see vacation time, UNACCEPTABLE. Don't get me wrong, money is nice... but what fun is money when the people you love are mad at you and don't wanna be with you to spend it, or worse, you're too sick to enjoy it.
I know those words are easy to say coming from someone who doesn't have to work to support a family.
But take a minute and ask yourself, a) what's more important, and b) what are you willing to sacrifice to your job?
I am starting to fall into the job trap. This week has been a mess. Did I cook dinner tonight? Nope. Bad. Did I eat dinner at a good time? Nope. BAD. Did I get my insulin on time? Nope. BAD BAD BAD. Why??? I had to work. *smacks self on back of the hand*
So, goal this week... find a rhythm, make it work.
+240
B- yogurt and late too... back to making eggs tomorrow!
L- Yummy yummy, smoked turkey, spinach, mozzarella, red onion, Dijon mustard, a little sprinkle of Caesar vinaigrette in a sun dried tomato wrap. SO GOOD!! I can do better tho- more veggies tomorrow, like shredded carrot or cucumber.
D- good lunch gone to crap. #10. 10 piece chicken nugget and a reg. fry at 9pm!! Ate it all too- and 3 bites of my husband's 2nd burger (I wasn't as bad as SOMEONE at the table at least).
I get to work out tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it... YAY!!
I had an intriguing conversation with my mother. I don't discuss weight loss with her, because about the time I was hearing her complain about her issues with loosing her gallbladder, I decided that her views weren't completely 20/20, in that she was kidding herself about her diet.
(and if you're reading this mom, and are offended, I apologise)
She'd tell me that her diet was full of veggies and fish, all the while gobbing on cream cheese to a bagel. I will admit her diet didn't suck, but there were places she could trim the fat, as it were.
I digress.
We were chatting about weight loss and I heard a common excuse about walking. "I know my neighborhood, I have seen it often, walking it is boring, the same old things to look at". That one I could ignore. Not walking the neighborhood is an easy thing to excuse yourself out of. "It's too hot/cold/windy/wet/boring/full of hoodlums/etc." I said, I go to the gym because it's free (military benefit) and it gets me away from the baby and since I am out and away from my comfort zone it removes the excuses. You need to find a place you like to be, that's easy to get to, and easy to be at.
Some people have gym excuses too, I did in the beginning... "they're judging me". That's a big one. I almost fell for it. But I scoped out the gym at a couple of different times during the day. Yes, it's full of hard-bodied military men (*blush*), but it also has old retirees, and people working thru injuries, pregnant women, and please forgive my candidness... heifers struggling thru their workouts too. So I knew I wouldn't be the only heifer there sweating and making the people who work at the gym hang out by the aed machine "just in case". Knowing I wasn't alone made it easier to get it done. I find now, that I go when it's less populated (not liking to share my usual machines with others or even have competition to get on it), and it makes it much easier to focus, which I have to do, so I can push past my initial response to quit.
She did admit... "if I had someone to work out with me, to call me up and tell me to get off my ass and come walk with them..." but I cut her off. I had a friend, a wonderful motivated friend, my best friend actually. Perky, excited, motivated, insistant. I started to avoid her. Which inevitably anyone would do. You have to be self motivated. Truly truly want to do it. No one else can push, prod, tug, pull, ootch, harry or harrass you into wanting to get off your ass, unless you wanted to already.
She had another excuse that I hear a lot from her... "I have no time, I work". BAD BAD BAD BAD. I said to her, I told myself that I was no longer going to let a job, ANY job, make me compromise myself, my family or my health. EVER.
Too many years of letting bosses make me feel like they owned me made me not care anymore. Fire me, I could give a crap less. I don't NEED this job, there are others out there. What I NEED is to live to see my daughter graduate, get married, have babies. And working in a place that makes it impossible to find the time to eat right, exercise and care for myself in general, or makes me see my family less than I see vacation time, UNACCEPTABLE. Don't get me wrong, money is nice... but what fun is money when the people you love are mad at you and don't wanna be with you to spend it, or worse, you're too sick to enjoy it.
I know those words are easy to say coming from someone who doesn't have to work to support a family.
But take a minute and ask yourself, a) what's more important, and b) what are you willing to sacrifice to your job?
I am starting to fall into the job trap. This week has been a mess. Did I cook dinner tonight? Nope. Bad. Did I eat dinner at a good time? Nope. BAD. Did I get my insulin on time? Nope. BAD BAD BAD. Why??? I had to work. *smacks self on back of the hand*
So, goal this week... find a rhythm, make it work.
+240
B- yogurt and late too... back to making eggs tomorrow!
L- Yummy yummy, smoked turkey, spinach, mozzarella, red onion, Dijon mustard, a little sprinkle of Caesar vinaigrette in a sun dried tomato wrap. SO GOOD!! I can do better tho- more veggies tomorrow, like shredded carrot or cucumber.
D- good lunch gone to crap. #10. 10 piece chicken nugget and a reg. fry at 9pm!! Ate it all too- and 3 bites of my husband's 2nd burger (I wasn't as bad as SOMEONE at the table at least).
I get to work out tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it... YAY!!
What a mess
We finally get the large sum of money the government refunds new home buyers, and my organized life turns upside down. Not to mention the new job started last week too- WHAT A MESS!!
Last week I was too busy to cook, so my husband was in charge HA! He refuses to learn to cook, and I know he's not stupid, he KNOWS how, he's just lazy. So since we had the money and I wasn't there to cook... out to eat we went. ARGH. Now it becomes a choice of a $12 salad at a sit down meal or blowing it all on a #3 at mc d's (q-pounder w/cheese, extra onions NO don't super size it, OMG I cant believe I ate it all, french fries included *smacks self in the forehead*) for $4.
LUCKILY I am bouncing between 238 and 241 and I only saw 241 once.
But wait the plot thickens.
Car broke down Saturday. It's in the shop till possibly Thursday. We rented a car yesterday to get us thru... Sunday, no gym for me. Monday, no work for me. Tuesday, no gym for me... possibly no work either seeing as the army has found a way to dedicate more of my family's time with some mandatory meeting from 6pm till they're done. I won't be attending, I maintain that they cannot mandate a civilian, however they can a soldier. So now I am panicking because my in order to keep my job I have to pull 20 hours a week... they want results to boot. Monday-Friday my availability is limited to after 5pm and no later than 8pm (I go to people's houses any later than that is kinda bad form). I am limited to 8 hours in a day, PERIOD. I have already lost Monday, if I loose Tuesday I may not make 20 hours, seeing as the workweek ends Saturday.
Oh yeah, and I get to loose my job anyway, seeing as my husband is getting sent out to the field for a few weeks this month. Thanks US ARMY!! Move me away from help, limit my job availability AND give me childcare that is not only expensive but limited to 3 days a week 4 hours in a day. WOO HOO!!
I am putting the baby in childcare 2 hours on Wed and Fri to be able to work out. I will be working out during "church hours" on Sunday so I can work, and actually catch people at home.
By the way I am working the census, just so you're not scratching your head in wonder.
Threw a little guilt money at my weight loss program this week- wal mart is selling a workout clothing brand called danskin. LOVE IT. Thin, movable, cotton, cool colors, makes me feel sexy, 2 lengths of shorts, capris, tank tops, pants, t shirts, muscle shirts, and hoodies. There are tons of choices, and no one piece costs more that $15, most cost $7 (it's wal mart so prices may vary depending on your neighborhood). AND the sizes go from, "you don't need to work out" (xs, petite) to "OH GOD, GO TO THE GYM" (5x). Glad to have bottoms that I don't gotta hitch up every time I move.
My sugars are finally getting lower since Istarted the split insulin program. I take long-acting insulin, and it was when I go to bed. But the dose was so high, we decided to split it 1/2 morning 1/2 night, every 12 hours. So I was a little whacked out the last 2 weeks or so, but normality is setting in now. YAY!
I can see my waist thinning out, slowly, and my face is starting to get shapely again, rather than that weird, round, Persian cat, pancake face thing I was seeing in photos of myself. Maybe you don't notice it, but I sure as hell do. My husband has even suggested (and I am trying for him) moving to a more alluring type of undergarment... let's just say my panties and guitars have something in common. The best part is, I don't have to order them online or go to lane bryant to get them. Yes I am still on the high end of the size spectrum, 8's in panties, 2x in workout bottoms, 1x in workout tops (damn these boobs). BUT- WOO HOO I can shop in the normal average people's section. Cant wait till I can shop at old navy in person rather than online (size 18 and up is considered PLUS, and that's only available online).
In the meantime, I am home, we have groceries so I can eat better. I feel better. I am just missing the gym and wishing things weren't so damn complicated. ARGH!!
Last week I was too busy to cook, so my husband was in charge HA! He refuses to learn to cook, and I know he's not stupid, he KNOWS how, he's just lazy. So since we had the money and I wasn't there to cook... out to eat we went. ARGH. Now it becomes a choice of a $12 salad at a sit down meal or blowing it all on a #3 at mc d's (q-pounder w/cheese, extra onions NO don't super size it, OMG I cant believe I ate it all, french fries included *smacks self in the forehead*) for $4.
LUCKILY I am bouncing between 238 and 241 and I only saw 241 once.
But wait the plot thickens.
Car broke down Saturday. It's in the shop till possibly Thursday. We rented a car yesterday to get us thru... Sunday, no gym for me. Monday, no work for me. Tuesday, no gym for me... possibly no work either seeing as the army has found a way to dedicate more of my family's time with some mandatory meeting from 6pm till they're done. I won't be attending, I maintain that they cannot mandate a civilian, however they can a soldier. So now I am panicking because my in order to keep my job I have to pull 20 hours a week... they want results to boot. Monday-Friday my availability is limited to after 5pm and no later than 8pm (I go to people's houses any later than that is kinda bad form). I am limited to 8 hours in a day, PERIOD. I have already lost Monday, if I loose Tuesday I may not make 20 hours, seeing as the workweek ends Saturday.
Oh yeah, and I get to loose my job anyway, seeing as my husband is getting sent out to the field for a few weeks this month. Thanks US ARMY!! Move me away from help, limit my job availability AND give me childcare that is not only expensive but limited to 3 days a week 4 hours in a day. WOO HOO!!
I am putting the baby in childcare 2 hours on Wed and Fri to be able to work out. I will be working out during "church hours" on Sunday so I can work, and actually catch people at home.
By the way I am working the census, just so you're not scratching your head in wonder.
Threw a little guilt money at my weight loss program this week- wal mart is selling a workout clothing brand called danskin. LOVE IT. Thin, movable, cotton, cool colors, makes me feel sexy, 2 lengths of shorts, capris, tank tops, pants, t shirts, muscle shirts, and hoodies. There are tons of choices, and no one piece costs more that $15, most cost $7 (it's wal mart so prices may vary depending on your neighborhood). AND the sizes go from, "you don't need to work out" (xs, petite) to "OH GOD, GO TO THE GYM" (5x). Glad to have bottoms that I don't gotta hitch up every time I move.
My sugars are finally getting lower since Istarted the split insulin program. I take long-acting insulin, and it was when I go to bed. But the dose was so high, we decided to split it 1/2 morning 1/2 night, every 12 hours. So I was a little whacked out the last 2 weeks or so, but normality is setting in now. YAY!
I can see my waist thinning out, slowly, and my face is starting to get shapely again, rather than that weird, round, Persian cat, pancake face thing I was seeing in photos of myself. Maybe you don't notice it, but I sure as hell do. My husband has even suggested (and I am trying for him) moving to a more alluring type of undergarment... let's just say my panties and guitars have something in common. The best part is, I don't have to order them online or go to lane bryant to get them. Yes I am still on the high end of the size spectrum, 8's in panties, 2x in workout bottoms, 1x in workout tops (damn these boobs). BUT- WOO HOO I can shop in the normal average people's section. Cant wait till I can shop at old navy in person rather than online (size 18 and up is considered PLUS, and that's only available online).
In the meantime, I am home, we have groceries so I can eat better. I feel better. I am just missing the gym and wishing things weren't so damn complicated. ARGH!!
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