I was so convinced I was having a boy. Nope, it's a girl.
In our visit to get the super-detailed sonogram in a specialized perenatology office in Shreveport we also got some rather bad news.
I have a sizable cyst that has grown to about 7cm, and has bound itself to the back of my uterus, and is blocking my cervix. It could shrink, but seeing as it hasn't in a month (yah, that was the other bit of oh so great news, they've know about it for a month and didn't bother telling me) I am looking at a c-section birth... oh crap.
But hey, it lead to some enlightening realizations! I had complained the baby felt very low way too soon (it was the cyst). Sex, not so comfy for me, yep... the cyst (oh and that's off the table till after the baby's born now, I pity my husband, but I am glad). Bumps in cars seemed just a tad more intense than before, thought I was imagining it, nope, baby's face is over the cyst, so bump, baby goes up, comes down on cyst and OUCH. Cant seem to totally empty my bladder... you guessed it.... cyst.
The doc says to me, if we'd have had the chance to see you in the 1st trimester I would have opted to get it out then, but it's too late for that. We now have to monitor it. Doesn't have characteristics of cancer, so that's good. But it could have blood leak into it, or it could rupture, and altho he didn't say it, I am assuming it could inhibit the growing baby as well.
The part that I am getting mad about is that I have been telling my ob for a while that I have been feeling a weird pinching pain in the right ovary area. Last doc I said that to pre-pregnancy said it's prolly cysts bursting from the pcos and not to worry, it's normal. But this doc said it wasn't a likely thing during a pregnancy, altho that might be what it is.
Specialist says he thinks, based on my history that this cyst is my fallopian tube gone bad.
So here we are, I am sorry to admit, disappointed in another girl. And it's pretty clear we aren't hiding it well, even strangers are saying, you could always try again. And I am looking at the possibility of loosing an ovary and fallopian tube... with an already awful rocky past to trying to conceive. Yah right, let's set aside the fact that I would need to be insane to want to try this a 3rd time, and the fact that if/when I did, being 35 would be part of the equation (yuck), the possibility went from difficult to unlikely to happen at all.
Of coarse I am not really sharing this with everyone, but seeing as only 7 or 8 people read my blog and not that often, I think I am okay with sharing with you guys.
I think that it's sweet that the few people who know are trying to be optimistic. But I need to be in reality here. It's likely that this kid is my last. Even my husband is apologetic about putting me thru this again and saying he wont wanna make me do it a 3rd time.
That aside I am just feeling so bitter. Between self-abuse and having no money for proper medical care until I was married, my body is so screwed up. And really there is no one to blame (aside from myself for the self destructive eating).
Other than all that, baby is fine. I am still okay on weight, but not for much longer, I am up 12 pounds out of the 15 that they ideally didn't want me to gain at all.
Looking forward to having this done, so I can get back on the program. If I can keep my gaining low, say this 15 pounds only, I will be nearer to my 220 goal after she's born than I was before she was conceived! With my 1st baby, I lost 36 pounds after 30 minutes of pushing. Kept it off a long time too- till I got sick with the whole gall bladder thing.
So I am thinking I am 246 now.... 246-30 (to be fair) = 216.... breast feeding may not be possible now, but I am still hopeful. So that will help shed too. And I told my husband, when I get the green light to start back on workouts, we'll have to make some kind of arrangements around feeding, and he'll prolly have to stay close to the gym with the girls while I work. But I wanna go balls to the walls (within my limits, work back up to the 3 times a week 40 min workouts, I am not stupid) and get my fat ass out of the 200's for good!
