Sorry about yesterday. Now that I am working and working out, sometimes I have to trade in sleep for blogging, or sleep for movie watching or sleep for knitting, or sleep for anything that's essentially filling up my free time, because, let's face it, I don't have any free time. Or at least I didn't yesterday.
Let me assure you of this; Thursday I behaved when I ate, I worked out even tho I really really REALLY didn't wanna. I didn't change my workout at all, other than keeping it slow and steady just to make it thru.
Today I got to put on the little black dress, and go out on a date! The base has a short term child care program that has parent's night out once a month. We pay $17 for them to keep her for 4 hours. So out we went. Upscale restaurant. I avoided the dessert area, ordered fish, ate 1/2 the serving of potatoes they served, avoided the corn machoux they served as a "vegetable" (corn's all starch, I wont play, my choice was EITHER corn OR potatoes).
After our fancy dinner we picked up the kid and ht wal mart before home. Usually I am mortified to not blend in. Little black dress, high heels, wal mart?!?
I was expecting some negative attention. There are 3 ways you know you look foolish, 1) the giggles (usually teens and 20 somethings do this) 2) the dirty looks/eye rolling (the 30-40 year olds do this) 3) the uncomfortable "you caught me looking at you" smile (mature people anywhere from 25 and up). Nothing. Not one. No positive attention either, no double takes from men, no compliments. So either I looked okay, or I had immunity since I was with my dressed up husband and child. Or maybe they thought I was pregnant (eek).
I wont go into detail about today, I am tired. I will say I was 239 this morning. And confident that wont change for the worse tomorrow. Had a salad lunch, so here's for keeping up higher standards tomorrow.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Do I have to wake up tomorrow?
Long day today. Another trainig session, equally as exciting as yesterday. Not as hungry, but I did get smart and stop for a big ol diet drink to nurse and help me stay awake (and pee my brains out). I'd say I felt badly that it wasnt water, but it was quick, it was cheap and it was easy. So sue me.
Admittedly, I am actually dreading tomorrow. I am so tired already and tomorrow is thursday. This is the 1st time I am not looking forward to working out. I feel a little ashamed. This 3 workouts weekly will take a little getting used to, but I'll get there. In the meantime, can someone lend me a cup of energy, I seem to be running out.
+??? (actually forgot to step on the scale this morning)
B- yogurt
L- 1/4 Muffaletta minus some of the bread... a Muffaletta is a salty yummy sandwich indigenous to New Orleans, but some New Orlenean's are up here and cooking =) Italian sesame bread roll, a whole one is bigger than your head! Itlaian meats, provalone, and a tart green olive relish, YUMMY YUMMY. As far as calories and badness, it has the potential to be pretty bad. But eat 1/4 and you're on the fringes, like I said I ate 1/4 and tore off any bread that was just bread. So it may have been about 2/3 of the 1/4 (is your head hurting from the math yet?)
D- We got our tax refund... sushi. I make no apologies for sushi, it's a relativly good meal, aside from the sushi rice. All bets are off when I hit a sushi joint, and it's a rare occasion. 3 rolls (shoulda had 2); spicy tuna (that's okay), crunch roll (that's not so good, had tempura crumbles in it) and an acadiana roll (louisiana construct, it's a california roll, but instead of crab it's crawfish!)
I was fine and good with what we had until about 2 hours ago- the sonic monster came out. But I had something smaller, a $1 menue sunday with a lil bit of chocolate sauce. I would wager that it was a trifle better than an oreo blast, but please, if I thought for 1/2 an instant that it was completely better i'd be kidding myself.
No excuses today, my eating SUCKED. Salad tomorrow anyone?
Admittedly, I am actually dreading tomorrow. I am so tired already and tomorrow is thursday. This is the 1st time I am not looking forward to working out. I feel a little ashamed. This 3 workouts weekly will take a little getting used to, but I'll get there. In the meantime, can someone lend me a cup of energy, I seem to be running out.
+??? (actually forgot to step on the scale this morning)
B- yogurt
L- 1/4 Muffaletta minus some of the bread... a Muffaletta is a salty yummy sandwich indigenous to New Orleans, but some New Orlenean's are up here and cooking =) Italian sesame bread roll, a whole one is bigger than your head! Itlaian meats, provalone, and a tart green olive relish, YUMMY YUMMY. As far as calories and badness, it has the potential to be pretty bad. But eat 1/4 and you're on the fringes, like I said I ate 1/4 and tore off any bread that was just bread. So it may have been about 2/3 of the 1/4 (is your head hurting from the math yet?)
D- We got our tax refund... sushi. I make no apologies for sushi, it's a relativly good meal, aside from the sushi rice. All bets are off when I hit a sushi joint, and it's a rare occasion. 3 rolls (shoulda had 2); spicy tuna (that's okay), crunch roll (that's not so good, had tempura crumbles in it) and an acadiana roll (louisiana construct, it's a california roll, but instead of crab it's crawfish!)
I was fine and good with what we had until about 2 hours ago- the sonic monster came out. But I had something smaller, a $1 menue sunday with a lil bit of chocolate sauce. I would wager that it was a trifle better than an oreo blast, but please, if I thought for 1/2 an instant that it was completely better i'd be kidding myself.
No excuses today, my eating SUCKED. Salad tomorrow anyone?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
just on the verge of loosing out, the winner comes thru!
Good long day.
Job training is about as exciting as watching a snail race a starfish. But an interesting fact, it keeps me away from the fridge at home... however, it keeps me much closer to my real enemies... drive thru! I didn't have the car, nor will I have it tomorrow. So my laziness (and the fact that I didn't wanna walk that far in heels) keeps me from over-indulging.
At the end of the day I wanna curl up and vegetate. It's the good kind of tired, but tired just the same.
+240 (yep still there- bastard)
B- yogurt, I was in a hurry and I woke up with nasty heartburn. It was either yogurt or pepto, I was burping acid. Not sure if it's the workout having a minor affect on a minor herniated something or rather I was diagnosed with a while back (damage from the many dives down my throat to add or subtract stints, shunts whatever you wanna call it, for my common bile duct blockage after the gallbladder removal- very long and scary story). They tossed drugs at me I never took cuz I never had heartburn, now I get it very very rarely.
L- in sailed Paul to pick me up, he chose mcdonalds, and after the 1st hour in snoozefest job training I was munchie, then hungry, then starving. So lunch was a naughty time. quarter pounder with cheese, and if I stopped we'd be good.... but I ate about 2/3 of my regular sized fries. The nutritionist did tell me, if I was gonna mess up, do it early, so I had a chance to work it off later in the day. Bad, not HORRIBLE.
WORKOUT DAY- I know, the mind boggles, a full day of sitting on my ass filling out paperwork, then this?!?! This was the new added day. I think I might have pushed it. New day, should have kept the normal workout, but I was planning on adjusting some times on each machine, more challenges in different places... but I was stupid for implementing it today of all days.
20 mins on the elliptical (1 1/2 miles) kept a good fast pace too!
4 reps of 15-18 (was getting distracted and loosing count, when I heard myself say 18, I stopped) at 30-45 pounds (just couldn't find a set weight I wanted to stick at) on the crunch machiene. And I started to get a cramp in my diaphragm area, felt like a ball rolling down my middle, or like that bellydancing move where they suck in and blow out making it look like their tummy was dancing, only this was involuntary. Every time it hit, I'd stop, breathe deep and stretch. Then lower the weight.
I wanted to work on my back fat, but the twisty machine was seat-less and had an out of order sign on it... bastards.
Attempted 20 mins on the rowing machine... got to 10 and said, less is more, work to 15, and my body said... NO So I stopped at 10 (at least it wasnt less than usual, just not more).
20 mins on the stationary bike... at 5 mins in, my husband walked in with the baby, KILLED my rhythm and focus... and I heard myself say this- "pant pant I am almost done, was gonna pant pant, do 20, but I couldn't get 20 on the pant pant rower thingy, so I am gonna cut this short at 10 mins instead pant pant pant" He sez okay I am gonna do a thing, and be right back. Then, I got my rhythm back when he left, 10 turned into 15 and 15 into 20!!! Got 4 1/2 miles.
D- there is this place on base called charlies... it's the missing link between subway and quiznos, or like a weird cousin or something. They grill the meat right in front of you and serve you the sandwich. They also have grilled- salads. I told myself, salad. I saw the photo of the chicken chipotle sandwich, and I said... well, I moaned actually, chicken chipotle sandwich. The manager was walking nearby and said "they're good huh?" I said I wished it was a salad, all that bread, so bad. She said, "you want it on a salad? we can do that" YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! Chicken chipotle SALAD!! Very very little dressing, ON THE SIDE. They gave me 2 of those little cups of dressing (yuck) and I used 1/3 of one cup.
My sugars were low tonight! YES!! I see a downtrend coming. So long as I keep it up!!
Job training is about as exciting as watching a snail race a starfish. But an interesting fact, it keeps me away from the fridge at home... however, it keeps me much closer to my real enemies... drive thru! I didn't have the car, nor will I have it tomorrow. So my laziness (and the fact that I didn't wanna walk that far in heels) keeps me from over-indulging.
At the end of the day I wanna curl up and vegetate. It's the good kind of tired, but tired just the same.
+240 (yep still there- bastard)
B- yogurt, I was in a hurry and I woke up with nasty heartburn. It was either yogurt or pepto, I was burping acid. Not sure if it's the workout having a minor affect on a minor herniated something or rather I was diagnosed with a while back (damage from the many dives down my throat to add or subtract stints, shunts whatever you wanna call it, for my common bile duct blockage after the gallbladder removal- very long and scary story). They tossed drugs at me I never took cuz I never had heartburn, now I get it very very rarely.
L- in sailed Paul to pick me up, he chose mcdonalds, and after the 1st hour in snoozefest job training I was munchie, then hungry, then starving. So lunch was a naughty time. quarter pounder with cheese, and if I stopped we'd be good.... but I ate about 2/3 of my regular sized fries. The nutritionist did tell me, if I was gonna mess up, do it early, so I had a chance to work it off later in the day. Bad, not HORRIBLE.
WORKOUT DAY- I know, the mind boggles, a full day of sitting on my ass filling out paperwork, then this?!?! This was the new added day. I think I might have pushed it. New day, should have kept the normal workout, but I was planning on adjusting some times on each machine, more challenges in different places... but I was stupid for implementing it today of all days.
20 mins on the elliptical (1 1/2 miles) kept a good fast pace too!
4 reps of 15-18 (was getting distracted and loosing count, when I heard myself say 18, I stopped) at 30-45 pounds (just couldn't find a set weight I wanted to stick at) on the crunch machiene. And I started to get a cramp in my diaphragm area, felt like a ball rolling down my middle, or like that bellydancing move where they suck in and blow out making it look like their tummy was dancing, only this was involuntary. Every time it hit, I'd stop, breathe deep and stretch. Then lower the weight.
I wanted to work on my back fat, but the twisty machine was seat-less and had an out of order sign on it... bastards.
Attempted 20 mins on the rowing machine... got to 10 and said, less is more, work to 15, and my body said... NO So I stopped at 10 (at least it wasnt less than usual, just not more).
20 mins on the stationary bike... at 5 mins in, my husband walked in with the baby, KILLED my rhythm and focus... and I heard myself say this- "pant pant I am almost done, was gonna pant pant, do 20, but I couldn't get 20 on the pant pant rower thingy, so I am gonna cut this short at 10 mins instead pant pant pant" He sez okay I am gonna do a thing, and be right back. Then, I got my rhythm back when he left, 10 turned into 15 and 15 into 20!!! Got 4 1/2 miles.
D- there is this place on base called charlies... it's the missing link between subway and quiznos, or like a weird cousin or something. They grill the meat right in front of you and serve you the sandwich. They also have grilled- salads. I told myself, salad. I saw the photo of the chicken chipotle sandwich, and I said... well, I moaned actually, chicken chipotle sandwich. The manager was walking nearby and said "they're good huh?" I said I wished it was a salad, all that bread, so bad. She said, "you want it on a salad? we can do that" YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! Chicken chipotle SALAD!! Very very little dressing, ON THE SIDE. They gave me 2 of those little cups of dressing (yuck) and I used 1/3 of one cup.
My sugars were low tonight! YES!! I see a downtrend coming. So long as I keep it up!!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Bad day
It's amazing how far back one bad day can take you, and no matter how out of control you can be on and off, it really spins you.
My bad day started last friday when I found out that the arrangements my husband made to be able to watch our baby while I go to job training from tue-fri this week might fall thru. Which would very likely make my employment very VERY short lived. I wasn't going to find out till today. Bad day started already. Saw an old friend at the scale this morning confirming that dinner last night was more than I could admit to myself. And just before I ate a thing my sugars were elevated. High sugars makes you irritable. Add to that a bored, flippant, 2 year old and you've had my day.
Even with the interspersed bits of good-ish news, it didn't raise my spirits. The news told me that yes, I will get to go to job training, and the situation is settled... FOR NOW, but that just means it could change. And the 1st time home buyers tax credit for buying our house, a very very VERY much needed 8k, that we have to wait 4-8 weeks (and that was after the paperwork was received) for will be seen sometime in the next 2 weeks (doesn't help us right now... GRRR). It just didn't topple over the day toward the better.
Tomorrow will be better, harder, but better.
+240 =(
B- yogurt (I said fuck it)
L- finished off the second 1/2 of the bag of chips from the other day (fuck it I say)
D- 2 homemade burgers, full of vegges... (FUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!)
I will reiterate- tomorrow will be better, harder, but better.
My bad day started last friday when I found out that the arrangements my husband made to be able to watch our baby while I go to job training from tue-fri this week might fall thru. Which would very likely make my employment very VERY short lived. I wasn't going to find out till today. Bad day started already. Saw an old friend at the scale this morning confirming that dinner last night was more than I could admit to myself. And just before I ate a thing my sugars were elevated. High sugars makes you irritable. Add to that a bored, flippant, 2 year old and you've had my day.
Even with the interspersed bits of good-ish news, it didn't raise my spirits. The news told me that yes, I will get to go to job training, and the situation is settled... FOR NOW, but that just means it could change. And the 1st time home buyers tax credit for buying our house, a very very VERY much needed 8k, that we have to wait 4-8 weeks (and that was after the paperwork was received) for will be seen sometime in the next 2 weeks (doesn't help us right now... GRRR). It just didn't topple over the day toward the better.
Tomorrow will be better, harder, but better.
+240 =(
B- yogurt (I said fuck it)
L- finished off the second 1/2 of the bag of chips from the other day (fuck it I say)
D- 2 homemade burgers, full of vegges... (FUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!)
I will reiterate- tomorrow will be better, harder, but better.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
PART-AY!!
Workout day today, and the baby got to go to her first birthday party, well, not really her first, but this was her first one not at home. Lots of temptation. LOL
After my workout I headed to the store to get soda drinks that were acceptable for my husband and myself assuming that not everyone thinks to buy a 6 pack of diet soda for their parties (and I was right on the money too). As I was checking out the girl behind the counter asked me how I was doing. So I answered honestly, tired, hot, just got done with a workout, sigh and a smile. She said to me "I wish I could go work out, I really need to."
It got me thinking, what's stopping you? I get that excuses are easy. I am full of them too- I have a Husky that needs to be trained on a leash, I SHOULD be walking him everyday... BUT it's too hot, cold, wet, whine whine whine. My husband and I had a discussion a few days ago relating to this thought. And with what I said, and you may disagree you may find me crass and harsh...
The subject was that I have 2 friends who are doing weight watchers and 2 friends who bought a wii fit. First the addendum, those who are doing weight watchers have more respect from me than those who bought the wii fit, and this is why. If you need to throw money at the problem, you aren't REALLY motivated to ix it. You're just accessorising. However, with weight watchers there is built in motivation, so I think that is the exception to my judgement.
The long and the short of it is, the only thing to get you moving is you. Not a $300 game you can ignore, or in my case dvd's I can let gather dust (yes I am guilty of throwing money at a problem too), or workout outfits, or free weights, or weight systems, or ANYTHING. It shouldn't take a wad of cash, or a load of free time, or anything. It shouldn't take an act of congress, or God... just you.
I am busy, I am poor, and yes, I am guilty, it took an act of God (if you are so incline to believe in him) to get my health at a point that made me wake up, get off my ass and take action. But I do it. I do it everyday, by eating 3 sensible meals everyday, fighting bad habits, and getting off my fat ass and not making crappy excuses.
I should go back there tomorrow and tell her what I just told you.
+238 (woo HOO!!)
B- DUH... no wait, it was hard boiled this time... gotcha! I added light peach yogurt too, since I was right off to the gym after.
WORKOUT- 15 on elliptical (1 mile), 10 on the rowing machine, ADDED 4 sets of 15 on the abs machine @ 25lbs (not hurting yet, we'll see tomorrow), tried to do the stationary bike that makes me sit higher, and much like the lower sitting one, I cant quite adjust it right, too short too tall, BAH!! So I went back to the lower one did 30 mins total (6 miles).
L- at the party there were all sorts of badness. I had a burger, then a hot dog (regretted that one, it sucked), then some homemade cheese dip with chips, but a little little little of that (and BOY did I pay, if you have no gallbladder and eat fat, you cant run to the bathroom fast enough... I made it... this time). A bite of the baby's cake and a bite of my husband's ice cream!
D- Homemade won tons with chicken and shrimp stuffing, the recipe is a family secret, if I told you I'd have to kill you. And homemade Char-siu pork. I think I overate, but it wasn't BAD BAD, just a little bad, just a little past what I should have... YAY!
All in all a good day. I am happy with it.
After my workout I headed to the store to get soda drinks that were acceptable for my husband and myself assuming that not everyone thinks to buy a 6 pack of diet soda for their parties (and I was right on the money too). As I was checking out the girl behind the counter asked me how I was doing. So I answered honestly, tired, hot, just got done with a workout, sigh and a smile. She said to me "I wish I could go work out, I really need to."
It got me thinking, what's stopping you? I get that excuses are easy. I am full of them too- I have a Husky that needs to be trained on a leash, I SHOULD be walking him everyday... BUT it's too hot, cold, wet, whine whine whine. My husband and I had a discussion a few days ago relating to this thought. And with what I said, and you may disagree you may find me crass and harsh...
The subject was that I have 2 friends who are doing weight watchers and 2 friends who bought a wii fit. First the addendum, those who are doing weight watchers have more respect from me than those who bought the wii fit, and this is why. If you need to throw money at the problem, you aren't REALLY motivated to ix it. You're just accessorising. However, with weight watchers there is built in motivation, so I think that is the exception to my judgement.
The long and the short of it is, the only thing to get you moving is you. Not a $300 game you can ignore, or in my case dvd's I can let gather dust (yes I am guilty of throwing money at a problem too), or workout outfits, or free weights, or weight systems, or ANYTHING. It shouldn't take a wad of cash, or a load of free time, or anything. It shouldn't take an act of congress, or God... just you.
I am busy, I am poor, and yes, I am guilty, it took an act of God (if you are so incline to believe in him) to get my health at a point that made me wake up, get off my ass and take action. But I do it. I do it everyday, by eating 3 sensible meals everyday, fighting bad habits, and getting off my fat ass and not making crappy excuses.
I should go back there tomorrow and tell her what I just told you.
+238 (woo HOO!!)
B- DUH... no wait, it was hard boiled this time... gotcha! I added light peach yogurt too, since I was right off to the gym after.
WORKOUT- 15 on elliptical (1 mile), 10 on the rowing machine, ADDED 4 sets of 15 on the abs machine @ 25lbs (not hurting yet, we'll see tomorrow), tried to do the stationary bike that makes me sit higher, and much like the lower sitting one, I cant quite adjust it right, too short too tall, BAH!! So I went back to the lower one did 30 mins total (6 miles).
L- at the party there were all sorts of badness. I had a burger, then a hot dog (regretted that one, it sucked), then some homemade cheese dip with chips, but a little little little of that (and BOY did I pay, if you have no gallbladder and eat fat, you cant run to the bathroom fast enough... I made it... this time). A bite of the baby's cake and a bite of my husband's ice cream!
D- Homemade won tons with chicken and shrimp stuffing, the recipe is a family secret, if I told you I'd have to kill you. And homemade Char-siu pork. I think I overate, but it wasn't BAD BAD, just a little bad, just a little past what I should have... YAY!
All in all a good day. I am happy with it.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The ugly truth
When I was newly married 5 years ago, I noticed right in the beginning a terrible trend in our spending. We would spend till there was nothing left and rely on overdraft protection when it was needed. Terrible. That's what I got for keeping the opinion "he makes the money, it's his". So I sat down with him and gently said I was going to take over and fix things (got us both out of debt, filled an empty house and bought a house, over drafted 6 times in 5 years, so all in all good decision). I wrote down every tiny expense we made, down to the most insignificant stick of gum. Seeing it there on paper showed me exactly where and when and how we were overspending, and where to make cuts.
This project puts into plain sight where I stray from my path to health. The truth of it is, I know exactly when and where I am going wrong, right when I do it. But as I do it now; I ask myself if I am going to omit this part of the day on the blog tonight. And the answer is usually, I could try, I want to, but I cant. Lying to you, well, that's easy, but lying to me, that's impossible. I just cant lie to myself. I still know the truth, and even if I was that gullible to believe me- well, I would just be doing myself a disservice. Especially when in the past I have said to my significant others that if ever they cheated, never to lie to me about it, I would be more insulted that they thought I was stupid enough to believe lies rather than their cheating.
Looking at where I stray, I feel bad. Most dieters would punish themselves, more exercise, less food, skip meals, self deprecation, punish punish punish. That's where most dieters fail. They fail to support themselves. And you should always be your biggest supporter! We all make mistakes. Sometimes more often than we should. Don't linger on them, don't add them up, or one day they'll get so big they'll overcome you. Just tell yourself tomorrow is another day, I can do better. And believe it, you can do better. Tomorrow is another opportunity to make things better than today.
With that said, I will admit that as I get healthier I crave crap much much more, and I seem to loose the willpower battle about 3/10 times. Is it because I feel better? Am I testing myself? Am I bored with denying myself? I suppose the answer is superfluous... the point is to see what I am doing and fight the good fight, and strive to win.
+239 (it stayed again, maybe tomorrow too??)
B- hahaha you guessed it... 1 sausage and 1 egg, husband cooked this time, I was so sleepy I stayed on the couch, happy to wither there and die
L- erm, er... wow, this is hard. 1/2 a bag of spicy nacho doritos. *cringes* Yep you read it right... I will lamely try to blame my hormonal period... it's almost over. But in truth, I have had a fantasy for a while now of buying and eating a whole bag, and my partner in crime joined, not stopped me. I did intend on taking the WHOLE bag, but for whatever reason, I saw how much I ate... and stopped.
D- fish taco night... gorton's frozen fish, corn tortillas- what you do is heat up a small pan and lightly coat it with veg. oil (1 tsp or so), then quickly toss the tortilla back and forth till it's brown and bubbly looking. It's not a hard shell, it's soft, and much less greasy, yes you do have to oil the pan after every tortilla. Cabbage, we had green, store was outta red, but any color will do. Cheese was an option, I skipped it. Onion, we had yellow but any color will do. And my mystery sauce, light sour cream, about 1/2 tsp each of; garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, taco seasoning, chipotle pepper, marjoram, season salt, 2 tbs worstershire sauce and 2-4 tbs chipotle tabasco (if you like it hotter use more). There were refried beans on the side, I skipped em. I had 3 tacos and was perfectly happy.
At about 830pm I got crav-ie for something sweetish or chocolateish. My husband suggested the rest of the baby's chocolate easter bunny. PERISH the thought, that's not mine, it's hers... I refuse no matter how crav-ie, to steal candy from a baby. Sonic?
He dragged his feet, till about 10pm and we were off. Reg. oreo blast for me *hides her face in shame* well... do better? It's getting a little old to hear, I am sure, because it's getting a little old to type too. I need to find a better alternative to my cravings.
Tomorrow's a workout day YAY!
This project puts into plain sight where I stray from my path to health. The truth of it is, I know exactly when and where I am going wrong, right when I do it. But as I do it now; I ask myself if I am going to omit this part of the day on the blog tonight. And the answer is usually, I could try, I want to, but I cant. Lying to you, well, that's easy, but lying to me, that's impossible. I just cant lie to myself. I still know the truth, and even if I was that gullible to believe me- well, I would just be doing myself a disservice. Especially when in the past I have said to my significant others that if ever they cheated, never to lie to me about it, I would be more insulted that they thought I was stupid enough to believe lies rather than their cheating.
Looking at where I stray, I feel bad. Most dieters would punish themselves, more exercise, less food, skip meals, self deprecation, punish punish punish. That's where most dieters fail. They fail to support themselves. And you should always be your biggest supporter! We all make mistakes. Sometimes more often than we should. Don't linger on them, don't add them up, or one day they'll get so big they'll overcome you. Just tell yourself tomorrow is another day, I can do better. And believe it, you can do better. Tomorrow is another opportunity to make things better than today.
With that said, I will admit that as I get healthier I crave crap much much more, and I seem to loose the willpower battle about 3/10 times. Is it because I feel better? Am I testing myself? Am I bored with denying myself? I suppose the answer is superfluous... the point is to see what I am doing and fight the good fight, and strive to win.
+239 (it stayed again, maybe tomorrow too??)
B- hahaha you guessed it... 1 sausage and 1 egg, husband cooked this time, I was so sleepy I stayed on the couch, happy to wither there and die
L- erm, er... wow, this is hard. 1/2 a bag of spicy nacho doritos. *cringes* Yep you read it right... I will lamely try to blame my hormonal period... it's almost over. But in truth, I have had a fantasy for a while now of buying and eating a whole bag, and my partner in crime joined, not stopped me. I did intend on taking the WHOLE bag, but for whatever reason, I saw how much I ate... and stopped.
D- fish taco night... gorton's frozen fish, corn tortillas- what you do is heat up a small pan and lightly coat it with veg. oil (1 tsp or so), then quickly toss the tortilla back and forth till it's brown and bubbly looking. It's not a hard shell, it's soft, and much less greasy, yes you do have to oil the pan after every tortilla. Cabbage, we had green, store was outta red, but any color will do. Cheese was an option, I skipped it. Onion, we had yellow but any color will do. And my mystery sauce, light sour cream, about 1/2 tsp each of; garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, taco seasoning, chipotle pepper, marjoram, season salt, 2 tbs worstershire sauce and 2-4 tbs chipotle tabasco (if you like it hotter use more). There were refried beans on the side, I skipped em. I had 3 tacos and was perfectly happy.
At about 830pm I got crav-ie for something sweetish or chocolateish. My husband suggested the rest of the baby's chocolate easter bunny. PERISH the thought, that's not mine, it's hers... I refuse no matter how crav-ie, to steal candy from a baby. Sonic?
He dragged his feet, till about 10pm and we were off. Reg. oreo blast for me *hides her face in shame* well... do better? It's getting a little old to hear, I am sure, because it's getting a little old to type too. I need to find a better alternative to my cravings.
Tomorrow's a workout day YAY!
Friday, April 23, 2010
one of those days
I am a bad dieter, I have mistakes often and I do one of the biggest cardinal sins ever... I weigh myself daily. A daily weigh is my way to keep motivated on a short term. I know a fluctuation of 1-3 pounds is normal, but sometimes the downswing is fun to watch. I have had the same flux from 240-242 for weeks now... GRRRR! And then, something magical happened this morning. I saw a new number... and I feel like celebrating, but I know better.
I did do better to day, for the most part, breakfast and lunch are easy times. I am not an emotional eater, no that's my husband. I am a social eater. And subject to peer pressure too. So dinner, when I have a partner in crime is the hardest.
Today was one of those days, even my husband came home and said "it's just been one of those days". For him that means binge eating and a bad day at work (altho there's nothing to binge on here, so he had to keep himself in check, YAY!). For me, it meant that I was antsy all day. I had a desire to go to the gym, altho no means. And I could have walked, if we weren't experiencing out first tastes of the hurricane season to come. It was actually so humid, that in the rooms I left windows open on, there was a sheen of water on the floors. It did rain on n off too, but that's not what caused wet floors, wet couch, wet EVERYTHING. And at some point today, I ran outta steam and dozed on the couch- till my baby started yelling at the tv. Who knew the sword in the stone could be so exciting!?
I will admit I did much better on water today, I ran to pee so many times it reminded me of my last few weeks of pregnancy!
+239!!!
Breakfast- ONE egg, ONE sausage
Lunch- yep, you guessed it, a hotpocket! same as yesterday (they come two in a pack)
Dinner- Experimental Pizza night. I make everything from scratch! SO the pizza is much healthier, and I am able to eat a lil more than if I went out to some fast food pizza. The crust came from betty crocker's best bread recipe book (I have a breadmaker, but I still have to kneed and toss). It was a base tonight of sundried tomato pesto by Classico, topped with yellow and green bellpeppers, red onion, canadian bacon from the same place I get my pepperoni (hormel?), pineapple tidbits, fresh grated parmesan and mozarella cheeses. It turned out picture perfect, I had half a mind to take a shot and post it, but that wouldn't be fair would it!? It was slice into 8 large-ish pieces, 2 is cutting it close, I had 3. And when we both had 3, and the baby had one, that left one... and here he came in after getting a drink in the kitchen, 1/2 eaten pizza in his hand "what? I couldnt help myself, can you blame me?" so I yanked about 2 bites of that too... wow, reading this... I am a pig! A gluttonous pig! Dinner needs to be reigned in!
I did do better to day, for the most part, breakfast and lunch are easy times. I am not an emotional eater, no that's my husband. I am a social eater. And subject to peer pressure too. So dinner, when I have a partner in crime is the hardest.
Today was one of those days, even my husband came home and said "it's just been one of those days". For him that means binge eating and a bad day at work (altho there's nothing to binge on here, so he had to keep himself in check, YAY!). For me, it meant that I was antsy all day. I had a desire to go to the gym, altho no means. And I could have walked, if we weren't experiencing out first tastes of the hurricane season to come. It was actually so humid, that in the rooms I left windows open on, there was a sheen of water on the floors. It did rain on n off too, but that's not what caused wet floors, wet couch, wet EVERYTHING. And at some point today, I ran outta steam and dozed on the couch- till my baby started yelling at the tv. Who knew the sword in the stone could be so exciting!?
I will admit I did much better on water today, I ran to pee so many times it reminded me of my last few weeks of pregnancy!
+239!!!
Breakfast- ONE egg, ONE sausage
Lunch- yep, you guessed it, a hotpocket! same as yesterday (they come two in a pack)
Dinner- Experimental Pizza night. I make everything from scratch! SO the pizza is much healthier, and I am able to eat a lil more than if I went out to some fast food pizza. The crust came from betty crocker's best bread recipe book (I have a breadmaker, but I still have to kneed and toss). It was a base tonight of sundried tomato pesto by Classico, topped with yellow and green bellpeppers, red onion, canadian bacon from the same place I get my pepperoni (hormel?), pineapple tidbits, fresh grated parmesan and mozarella cheeses. It turned out picture perfect, I had half a mind to take a shot and post it, but that wouldn't be fair would it!? It was slice into 8 large-ish pieces, 2 is cutting it close, I had 3. And when we both had 3, and the baby had one, that left one... and here he came in after getting a drink in the kitchen, 1/2 eaten pizza in his hand "what? I couldnt help myself, can you blame me?" so I yanked about 2 bites of that too... wow, reading this... I am a pig! A gluttonous pig! Dinner needs to be reigned in!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Just 20 more pounds!
In honor of the Julie/Julia project, I have decided to try blogging my way thru my fight for health, children and type 2 diabetes.
A teensy bit about me, just so you don't feel too lost; I am 33, married to a soldier in the ARMY and a mother of a beautiful, tenacious 2 year old. For now I am a full time mom, altho I am planning a temp job here soon. I was diagnosed with PCOS during the 1st endeavour to get pregnant, which resulted in pharmacological intervention to make it happen. Over time the PCOS/insulin resistance has developed from pre-diabetes to type 2 diabetes. We discovered this last year.
And for a full year it went unchecked... I know, I know bad girl. I have already been thru all the brow beating and I am on the up and up. Last January I went to the hospital with mild numbness in my fingers, turns out my sugars were near 400 (the average healthy person rides somewhere between 50-100). So I had a doc that was a little more interested in educating me, and I was a little more motivated. Not to mention that it's now time for endeavor towards pregnancy #2 (also going to need drugs on that too).
That's a long story short.
In November I was 273 pounds. In January I was less, but not by much, thanks to out of con troll diabetes. I was educated on how and what to eat, and encouraged to work out. I am now rounding 1 1/2 months of a twice weekly workout and adding a day starting next week. I now sit at 240 pounds, where I have plateaued and it's MADDENING.
Which brings me to this project. I call it just 20 more pounds because it is my mantra, the doc wants to see me at 165 (ya, I wasn't ever that little, even when I WAS little) my short term goal is 220 (like it says on my driver's licence) and maybe when I get there, I will leave the 200's, and when I get there 180 looks sexy, and that is where I would be happy to stop. Even if no one reads this, it's a way to keep myself honest, and keep me driving toward a goal. So here goes....
52/46/49 +240 pounds
Today was a regular workout of 15 min's on the elliptical, no program no resistance... got me a whole mile! 30 min's on the stationary bike, got me 5 1/2 miles (some days I can make 6, and I could have today, but at 10 mins left I opted to slow down instead of push hard). And 10 blissful mins on the rowing machine. I think I am doing it wrong, I remember the rowing machine making an impact on my midsection, and so far, no pain (not that I believe in 'no pain no gain' but...) do I do more, or keep going, it's still cardio right?
I had a dietary set back today. But there are plenty of convienent excuses... I am on my period (woman's #1 fav excuse), I was hungry after the workout, my sugars were tanking so I was REALLY f-ing hungry, and lately I have been slipping into old habits... when I am alone and in my head I keep promising myself that I will do better, but the application is hard LOL.
So Breakfast, my obligatory 2 eggs 2 brown n serve sausages... I can do better... go back to one. It's technically a 0 breakfast, since I need to watch sugars and carbs, but I am allowed 45, so I could have an insultingly small amount of a yucky boring cereal (pass, I hate milk anyway), I could have 2 dry waffles, or a small piece of fruit and a 1/2 a piece of toast (naa). If I want excitement I add a cup of lowfat yogurt to the mix, or make that scrambled egg an omelet chalked full of veggies.
Altho nutritionists want me to snack, it messes my numbers up too much so I keep it to B-L-D only.
Lunch- a leanpocket (chicken broccoli and mushroom) don't judge, it fills me up and it's under my 45.
Dinner- Church's chicken... BORDERLINE. Had a spicy chicken sandwich, and if I stopped there, I would be golden, did it happen? Nope! Add to that a LARGE jalapeno poppers... and oh god, I didn't stop there, a piece of pepperoni pizza just jumped right into my mouth. Damn I hate when that happens. This is by and far the farthest I have fallen off the path yet. I maintain that you can go out and eat crap so long as you limit the amount you take in.
Upside, I didn't want to snack between 9pm and now, oooh midnight has been an evil time for me lately, hello spoon and peanut butter (it helps that I finished it off last night tho).
SO drink more water! Sneak in some tummy workout before bed (I know I know, don't work out before you sleep, try working out when you have a toddler bouncing on you). Do better tomorrow. Do better tomorrow. DO BETTER.
A teensy bit about me, just so you don't feel too lost; I am 33, married to a soldier in the ARMY and a mother of a beautiful, tenacious 2 year old. For now I am a full time mom, altho I am planning a temp job here soon. I was diagnosed with PCOS during the 1st endeavour to get pregnant, which resulted in pharmacological intervention to make it happen. Over time the PCOS/insulin resistance has developed from pre-diabetes to type 2 diabetes. We discovered this last year.
And for a full year it went unchecked... I know, I know bad girl. I have already been thru all the brow beating and I am on the up and up. Last January I went to the hospital with mild numbness in my fingers, turns out my sugars were near 400 (the average healthy person rides somewhere between 50-100). So I had a doc that was a little more interested in educating me, and I was a little more motivated. Not to mention that it's now time for endeavor towards pregnancy #2 (also going to need drugs on that too).
That's a long story short.
In November I was 273 pounds. In January I was less, but not by much, thanks to out of con troll diabetes. I was educated on how and what to eat, and encouraged to work out. I am now rounding 1 1/2 months of a twice weekly workout and adding a day starting next week. I now sit at 240 pounds, where I have plateaued and it's MADDENING.
Which brings me to this project. I call it just 20 more pounds because it is my mantra, the doc wants to see me at 165 (ya, I wasn't ever that little, even when I WAS little) my short term goal is 220 (like it says on my driver's licence) and maybe when I get there, I will leave the 200's, and when I get there 180 looks sexy, and that is where I would be happy to stop. Even if no one reads this, it's a way to keep myself honest, and keep me driving toward a goal. So here goes....
52/46/49 +240 pounds
Today was a regular workout of 15 min's on the elliptical, no program no resistance... got me a whole mile! 30 min's on the stationary bike, got me 5 1/2 miles (some days I can make 6, and I could have today, but at 10 mins left I opted to slow down instead of push hard). And 10 blissful mins on the rowing machine. I think I am doing it wrong, I remember the rowing machine making an impact on my midsection, and so far, no pain (not that I believe in 'no pain no gain' but...) do I do more, or keep going, it's still cardio right?
I had a dietary set back today. But there are plenty of convienent excuses... I am on my period (woman's #1 fav excuse), I was hungry after the workout, my sugars were tanking so I was REALLY f-ing hungry, and lately I have been slipping into old habits... when I am alone and in my head I keep promising myself that I will do better, but the application is hard LOL.
So Breakfast, my obligatory 2 eggs 2 brown n serve sausages... I can do better... go back to one. It's technically a 0 breakfast, since I need to watch sugars and carbs, but I am allowed 45, so I could have an insultingly small amount of a yucky boring cereal (pass, I hate milk anyway), I could have 2 dry waffles, or a small piece of fruit and a 1/2 a piece of toast (naa). If I want excitement I add a cup of lowfat yogurt to the mix, or make that scrambled egg an omelet chalked full of veggies.
Altho nutritionists want me to snack, it messes my numbers up too much so I keep it to B-L-D only.
Lunch- a leanpocket (chicken broccoli and mushroom) don't judge, it fills me up and it's under my 45.
Dinner- Church's chicken... BORDERLINE. Had a spicy chicken sandwich, and if I stopped there, I would be golden, did it happen? Nope! Add to that a LARGE jalapeno poppers... and oh god, I didn't stop there, a piece of pepperoni pizza just jumped right into my mouth. Damn I hate when that happens. This is by and far the farthest I have fallen off the path yet. I maintain that you can go out and eat crap so long as you limit the amount you take in.
Upside, I didn't want to snack between 9pm and now, oooh midnight has been an evil time for me lately, hello spoon and peanut butter (it helps that I finished it off last night tho).
SO drink more water! Sneak in some tummy workout before bed (I know I know, don't work out before you sleep, try working out when you have a toddler bouncing on you). Do better tomorrow. Do better tomorrow. DO BETTER.
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