The ugly truth

When I was newly married 5 years ago, I noticed right in the beginning a terrible trend in our spending. We would spend till there was nothing left and rely on overdraft protection when it was needed. Terrible. That's what I got for keeping the opinion "he makes the money, it's his". So I sat down with him and gently said I was going to take over and fix things (got us both out of debt, filled an empty house and bought a house, over drafted 6 times in 5 years, so all in all good decision). I wrote down every tiny expense we made, down to the most insignificant stick of gum. Seeing it there on paper showed me exactly where and when and how we were overspending, and where to make cuts.

This project puts into plain sight where I stray from my path to health. The truth of it is, I know exactly when and where I am going wrong, right when I do it. But as I do it now; I ask myself if I am going to omit this part of the day on the blog tonight. And the answer is usually, I could try, I want to, but I cant. Lying to you, well, that's easy, but lying to me, that's impossible. I just cant lie to myself. I still know the truth, and even if I was that gullible to believe me- well, I would just be doing myself a disservice. Especially when in the past I have said to my significant others that if ever they cheated, never to lie to me about it, I would be more insulted that they thought I was stupid enough to believe lies rather than their cheating.

Looking at where I stray, I feel bad. Most dieters would punish themselves, more exercise, less food, skip meals, self deprecation, punish punish punish. That's where most dieters fail. They fail to support themselves. And you should always be your biggest supporter! We all make mistakes. Sometimes more often than we should. Don't linger on them, don't add them up, or one day they'll get so big they'll overcome you. Just tell yourself tomorrow is another day, I can do better. And believe it, you can do better. Tomorrow is another opportunity to make things better than today.

With that said, I will admit that as I get healthier I crave crap much much more, and I seem to loose the willpower battle about 3/10 times. Is it because I feel better? Am I testing myself? Am I bored with denying myself? I suppose the answer is superfluous... the point is to see what I am doing and fight the good fight, and strive to win.

+239 (it stayed again, maybe tomorrow too??)

B- hahaha you guessed it... 1 sausage and 1 egg, husband cooked this time, I was so sleepy I stayed on the couch, happy to wither there and die

L- erm, er... wow, this is hard. 1/2 a bag of spicy nacho doritos. *cringes* Yep you read it right... I will lamely try to blame my hormonal period... it's almost over. But in truth, I have had a fantasy for a while now of buying and eating a whole bag, and my partner in crime joined, not stopped me. I did intend on taking the WHOLE bag, but for whatever reason, I saw how much I ate... and stopped.

D- fish taco night... gorton's frozen fish, corn tortillas- what you do is heat up a small pan and lightly coat it with veg. oil (1 tsp or so), then quickly toss the tortilla back and forth till it's brown and bubbly looking. It's not a hard shell, it's soft, and much less greasy, yes you do have to oil the pan after every tortilla. Cabbage, we had green, store was outta red, but any color will do. Cheese was an option, I skipped it. Onion, we had yellow but any color will do. And my mystery sauce, light sour cream, about 1/2 tsp each of; garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, taco seasoning, chipotle pepper, marjoram, season salt, 2 tbs worstershire sauce and 2-4 tbs chipotle tabasco (if you like it hotter use more). There were refried beans on the side, I skipped em. I had 3 tacos and was perfectly happy.

At about 830pm I got crav-ie for something sweetish or chocolateish. My husband suggested the rest of the baby's chocolate easter bunny. PERISH the thought, that's not mine, it's hers... I refuse no matter how crav-ie, to steal candy from a baby. Sonic?
He dragged his feet, till about 10pm and we were off. Reg. oreo blast for me *hides her face in shame* well... do better? It's getting a little old to hear, I am sure, because it's getting a little old to type too. I need to find a better alternative to my cravings.

Tomorrow's a workout day YAY!