Eat, Pray, Love- personal reflection

**this post has nothing to do with diabetes, weight loss, pregnancy or complaining, it's just a personal reflection I want to get off my chest, before it flies out of my head**

I just watched Eat, Pray, Love. It is a beautiful movie, that I would whole-heatedly recommend to anyone. It touched a lot of chords within me. Having heard the premise a while ago, I was afraid the chords in which it would touch would have been bad. Feeling lost, wishing for more, not wanting what I have. But no.

The main character throws herself so far into what she's doing at the time that she looses herself. The she makes a resolution to travel the world and find out what she's missing. Eventually, finding herself.

I remember a time when that was me. I would get into a relationship and become the perfect woman for him. When I was very young I had a 2 year relationship that ended abruptly and without fault. It went unfinished, even to this day it is dangling loosely in my mind. After the break-up I was so depressed, I didn't sleep, I cleaned my parent's house (my mom's boyfriend actually accused me of doing drugs lol) and I spent a lot of time alone. I had convinced myself that if any of my friends wanted to spend any time with me, they'd contact me. They didn't. Needless to say I spent a lot of time being miserable and wishing my life would start. Then, amazingly, in that time I somehow formed myself, the way I am now. Proactive, confident, honest, full of integrity and relatively sure about most of the moves I make.

Don't get me wrong- I made a lot of mistakes and repeated a lot of bad behavior on the path to now. Even now I fall into most aspects of my life rather than choosing them willfully. This too is something I work on everyday.

At some point in the recent past, I realized that I am me. I am fat, brusque at times, honest to a hurtful point, not every one's cup of tea. And I don't apologize for it. I found a man who loved me just the way I am. I didn't have to become anyone else to catch him, keep him or please him. Point in fact, I don't have to please him at all, I can just be me and he lets me, because for him, being with me pleases him.

Someone once complimented me that I was a full-figured woman and it seemed as if I didn't care. Truth is, I care everyday. I try to remind myself every minute of ever hour of every day that what other people think of me is irrelevant, it's what I think of myself that matters. I will admit that I forget to look within for approval and many times will seek it elsewhere. Then I remember that it's not a selfish act to ask me what I think, and it's okay to listen to what I think and want. When I got that compliment, I said thank you and told the person, I must be a good actress then, because I hate my body and other people make me feel ashamed of myself. I cant completely admit that those feelings are totally gone, but most of the time, I make no apologies for the way I look.

I think what I can take away from the sentiments of that movie is this- be you, whoever you are, with no apologies, no matter what anyone else thinks, and do it with your head held high.