Hellooooo 2nd trimester!

13 weeks, and 3 days!

Yes, that's me rounding into the 2nd trimester. I know it's been a while, let's just say that libido, motivation and the ability to keep my temper all disappear when I am pregnant. Blame the baby.

It's been a rough time lately, but since last you read, in horror... I basically told my doctor and the nutritionist to leave me the hell alone, or I quit!

As it turns out my numbers are good, so the doc is willing to see me every 2 weeks as long as I keep the status quo. In complete and utter honesty I do flub about 5 numbers every time I report to her the last 2 week's worth of numbers. Not because I am trying to lie about it, my A1c would give me away, but because I don't need doctors and nutritionists up my ass "shoulding" all over me when I make a conscience decision to deviate from my diet. I want to have bad days. I know better than to have them too often. I just don't need a class and a lecture every fucking time I want to have an extra piece of fucking bread. I know it's putting the baby in danger, I get that, but a stressed and pissed off me is yet more dangerous to my nugget... so they can eat me.

Yes the subject still makes me rage.

I got into a car accident last weekend. Saturday we drove up to Shreveport to visit a family member passing thru, husband's brother, husband drove, husband was excited. He was driving badly all day to be honest, if I let myself get caught up in the should haves, I really should have driven, or said no to the trip seeing as we could barely afford it as it was, but hindsight's 20/20.

He was making a left turn in a major intersection, we had a green arrow turn lane that turned into a yield on green. It was now solid yellow and he shot into the intersection, figure at the last minute he would make the turn when oncoming traffic got the red. But oncoming traffic still had a green. So instead of staying put he decided to shoot across the 2 lanes of traffic frogger style. I said oncoming traffic still has green and he began to shoot anyway, I followed that up with, no, no, no, no, no as he turned. The last car we had nearly passed, she never stopped, I dunno how you don't see a BIG BLACK SUV in your lane. Bonus, she was uninsured! We're still at fault.

She hit the rear passenger tire.

What this means; she hit the car 2 feet from where my daughter's car seat was. Kid was napping, she was rattled, her neck hurt a little from the seat strap, she is FINE. Husband was out of the car and looking for the other victim as well as at the damage of our car, he's FINE. After impact I did a quick personal assessment of me, upper hurts, lower fine, kid in backseat more important. As soon as I could rest assured she was fine I started to asses me. Right hip a teeny bit sore, belly fine, no feeling of pain or wetness anywhere below my breasts (ie; baby fine). Neck... FUCKING OW, back, shoulders achy. I have a hickey on my neck from the seat belt, I was sporting a few very faint bruises across my chest, below my boobs, along my back and shoulders were sore for a while, now it's just the main muscle that goes from my jaw to my clavicle on the left (don't ask why, it's weird) side. If I sneeze or yawn too big, I will cry out like a little bitch.

Saw the doc today, she agrees with me, I am gonna be sore, nothing worth fussing over. She also agrees with me, baby is well protected so having no pain, spotting or gushing after the accident is a beautiful sign. We finally got to listen to the strong little heartbeat today. 150! So all in all we're on the up and up.

We have no money, no car and no resources to fall back on. But we're okay.

Hopefully we'll find out if we've been approved for a loan tomorrow, just a teeny one to fix the car and/or get a cheap newer used car and pay it off when taxes come in February. It's the best we can do.

Oh yah, she BENT our rear axle and loosened a connection hose to our gas tank... her car has minor front body damage... and i'm pretty sure she wont be coming after us, seeing as she didnt even bother sticking around to trade information with us.

All the things I was looking forward to this year are pretty much shelved till next year.

Husband is feeling like and asshole, and apologetic to the nth degree. I don't forgive him, I call him on his excuses, and yes I have been unapologetically blunt with him lately. This too shall pass, I think he needs to stop trying to eat crow and make it right.

Otherwise everything is on the up and up.

so flippin angry

okay so I HAD to go o ANOTHER stupid fucking nutrition class, this time for gestational diabetics, which I am not sure I technically fall under anyway. I am diabetic, but I have to sit thru a class and ignore when the teachers say "temporary situation", no no, mine is pretty much permanent, with the exception of loosing 100 pounds immediately.

First I love that the doctors and nutritionists contradict each other. Nutritionist say my fat ass should gain no more than 15 pounds this pregnancy. That's the way it was with my 1st, okay, I get it. But the doc's want me to gain... NOTHING. Not 1 pound. They're quoting that current studies are showing that the baby is just fine when mommy gains nothing.

My answer... fuck them all... I gain what I gain, and they aren't going to make me feel guilty for it. So far I have gained a whopping 3 pounds, and that's cuz I haven't worked out in a while.

So I figure an hour or so of getting brow beaten, again, about what I eat, how much I eat, etc. Oh no, it was 2 hours. AND I had to get up and do about 1000 things before I went to the hospital for this class, so in order to make it on time, guess what I had to skip... that's right, I haven't eaten since last night.

But the class is telling me to eat every 2 hours.

SO already I am mad for having to be there, mad from low blood sugar and hormones, then the icing on the cake... no, not 1 class... WEEKLY meetings with the nutritionist to discuss every single aspect of my food intake and blood sugar. WEEKLY. AND there on days when my husband's unit wont let him go. So this gets yet better. The appointments are only on thursdays, so that means, since we only own 1 car... that I get to wake up at 4 am to take my husband to work, and make it to the appointment later in the day and then pick him up that evening... 3 trips on and of base... 60 miles that day, once a week. So now 1/2 the food budget gets to go away so I can pay for the extra gas.

Okay now I am really really REALLY pissed.

After the class we were rushed, so we got mc'd's which of course, is bad bad bad... it could kill my baby.

While I am there, my body decides to go #2... those moments are few and far between for me these days. The kid had to go too, and the husband is in a rush. So he orders and I have to wait thru her potty time, and try to rush thru mine, she's touching everything in the bathroom and putting her mouth on stuff, so I am reaching and yelling... I couldn't go. I felt like I was literally in the middle of a movement... sorry to be so gross.

So I grab the husband drop him off at work, fly home like a bitch on a broom. Now, I have diarrhea... and I am so sick to my stomach, I cant eat. I ate about 1/2 my nasty, cold burger before I gave up. SO I just threw away $5 cuz I couldn't eat.

I am just so fucking angry right now, I almost wish I wasn't pregnant, it's not worth this fucking hassle, and now I get to do it once a fucking week?

If this doesn't get better, I may have to tell the doctors to do what they have to, but I am not going to go to any more bullshit, waste my time appointments, unless it's life and death, and I mean the real kind... not the "you could kill your baby" kind, I am gonna not care about anything really quick.

Iron deficiency much?

Prick, test, prick, medicate, eat, sleep repeat 50 times a day.

Okay, so I am already over this. I am 10 weeks today, and so iron deficient, the couch now has a permanent indentation of my fat ass and the throw pillows smell like me drool.

I should try and force myself to remember to take my prenatals, seriously, I just forget.

I would make every night steak and broccoli night if it weren't $7/lb for bad steak. I need to go to my neighbors and strike deals with them when they slaughter their cows.

Other than that, I have no room to complain. No morning sickness, and the only nausea I have is well earned (over eating, eating something exceptionally spicy, etc).

In 2 days I have an appointment and on the 7th I get the 1st sonogram.... hope I can drink enuff water and make it thru!

More to come, I just needed to vent.

Gastric bypass surgery

Okay, hahaha just kidding, that was my lame attempt at throwing you off the course to which, I a sure you've already assumed.

I am pregnant!

On July 26th I went to see the doctor to get round 2 of clomid. I warned her that I was late at the time, she asked if that was usual, and I said not these days. So she ran a pregnancy test, and seeing as I was about 2-4 days late give or take she thought a pee test was sufficient. She gave me drugs to start my period and clomid. And said if she didn't call me within 24 hours to go ahead and assume the test was negative and start the drugs.

She didn't call, and I wanted to be triple certain of negativity, so I called. And yes, negative it was.

Well, call me lazy, I dragged my feet to start the drugs, and then with my husband in the field for 2 weeks, I realized my fertile time was when he was gonna be gone. So I kept dragging my feet, if you've ever had a drug-induced period, you will totally understand me when I say my mantra was to let nature take it's course. If you haven't, rest assured the drug -induced version is like a period on crack with adhd. So a couple weeks went by, and nada.

Then all of a sudden my sugars went BERSERK! We're talking no lower than 200-250. I even tried a day of a zero carb/sugar breakfast and lunch followed by a workout, and we know that doing that will make me drop lower than 70. I got home... 274!! WTF is wrong with me!?
a) the test was negative, cant be that
b) I somehow got a mismarked 2 liter that was regular, and no one bothered to recall it... probably not
c) bad insulin, possible- note to self throw away current pen and start new

After that day, I broke down and went to the store for a pee test of my own, by now it being about 2 weeks after the initial. The positive line was darker that the control line! OMFG!

So I was on a mission to get a hold of a doctor, ANY doctor... fix my sugar levels!! HELP!!

And I felt like I did when I was first diagnosed type 2 diabetic. I was no one's priority. I called and called trying to get the nearest appointment I could, and the ob/gyn nurse finally got me in. BUT... it was just an orientation/testing appointment. Meaning... I didn't see a doctor, so I was on the nurse like white one rice.. I am a high risk pregnancy... HELLO, why isn't anyone acting like this is as dire as it is!!! She got me in to see the doctor a few hours later.

I am now on a tighter regime, 2 shots of long acting insulin (and a new type to boot), and 3 times a day short acting. It's not fine-tuned yet, I am either way too low or way too high. My new range needs to be 90-100. And right now I am either 70 or 140 not usually anywhere in between, so I am eagerly waiting to see the doc again on the 2nd.

I am both excited and nervous, this will be a new challenge.

If you, my readers would like me to keep going, let me know. It'll be spotty, I will only talk about events worth talking about... but I am damn sure that 20 more pounds is going to have to wait until after March 29, 2011

re baiting assumptions

I know I said end of the week, there has been further complications. So I have something to share with you, I do, I do... but it needs to wait about another week and a half, come back at the end of the month, please.

a quick tangent

A quick tangent...


someone posted a thing on facebook today about a woman going nuts on a drive thru worker at mc donalds because she couldn't have chicken nuggets. Maybe the woman was out of control, maybe not...

First off, it's hard to get sympathy for going out to eat when you are diabetic. The bottom line is, everyone who's anyone basically says you should eat at home. As a diabetic your only job is to eat at home, exercise, test and medicate. This makes a regular life difficult at best.

So if you have to step out in the world to run errands, and otherwise cant rush home to make yourself food, and you aren't freaking Rockefeller so you cant just walk into the nearest sit down restaurant where your chances for a diabetic friendly meal is greater... all you have is drive thru.

Making the best of drive thru is difficult to say the VERY least. You are relegated to diet or unsweetened tea, or water. Even tho a #3 comes with a drink. I have already launched my campaign against a lot of fast food places here, some it's only water or diet coke/pepsi and not even USnweetened tea. FOR GOD SAKES doesn't tea start unsweetened before you drown it with sugar people how hard can it be!??! With one establishment I did win. I can now have water diet coke or unsweetened tea. Altho I have learned to like diet soda, so I don't fight the fight as often anymore. (point of fact I am fighting with blockbuster video right now for another diet soda choice in the coolers, since they have a rent 3 movies, get 2 drinks, 2 candy and a popcorn for $20 and I cant have anything but diet coke in that deal... so the manager is tolerating my whining now LOL).

Then there is the food menu. Crappy salads, yuck. It is possible to eat a 10 piece chicken nugget and a handful of fries and stay within your limits... if it was me and I was shaking and tanking, I might have reached thru the drive thru window to bitch slap someone too... altho years in customer service has taught me, NOT to kill the messenger when it's not directly their fault.

BUT the one thing that is making me want to bust some heads, that makes me want to take out an ad in a newspaper or on a newscast... I don't care how stupid you think you are, how much you hate your shitty job, it's not that hard to give me the right drink. I pay $3 to drink that nasty diet coke... I prefer for it not to BE diet, but it HAS to be. The silver/gray button is diet, the red one is not. They aren't even next to each other most of the time. HOW HARD IS IT TO GET THAT RIGHT? To check and double check.

It's not like I am ordering diet for vanity. Oh I need to loose weight, but if I don't get a diet soda that's not what is affected. I am LESS affected by drinking a large chocolate shake than I am if I drink even 1/2 a real soda. 1/2 a real soda makes me peak into the 200-250 range easily, the shake, I might get close to 200, maybe. A real soda wont make me gain weight, it could KILL me people!

So to all those fast food workers out there, have a little freaking integrity and just GET THE GODDAMN ORDER RIGHT!

baiting assumptions

At the risk of baiting assumptions... there is more to tell you, but at the moment there is too much. So I am writing to bait you and have you come back at the end of next week. Assume what you'd like... keep it to yourself.

I will be back the end of next week with a more revealing blog.