Okay, I am doing something right? My numbers are dropping, which is great. I can start lowering my insulin dosages again. Still havent gotten back to having time to workout (but the job is almost over now). I am still eating better than I had been. And the plateau has been broken at last!
I might be able to find time to workout today, altho I am not sure I wanna... PMS'ing again, so exhausted. All I wanna do is sleep. SO we shall see...
by the way, stepped on the scale today.... +236!!!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
a day for the soul
You know those days/times when you're working at your job, or home, or with your kids and everything isn't necessarily going wrong, but it isn't quite right. Things are more difficult than you are prepared to handle that day, and you want to quit? Take a day for the soul.
I know in some situations, it's easier said than done.
My kid has been a little hard to handle lately (terrible twos) and work is getting overwhelming, I have put off so much of my life for it already, and now it's becoming even bigger, I want to quit. Last night I almost turned in everything and said thanks, but I don't NEED this crap, and I don't need this job.
Instead, I took a night off and spent it with my family.
They key to nights like this is to only do things you WANT to do, instead of HAVE to do. We ate boiled crawfish (last of the season) cuz it's currently the favorite food in the house (cheap, good, quick, fun, healthy). We went shopping for home stuff, I refused a poopie diaper (take that husband!), and we went home and watched our favorite tv program on dvd (boston legal).
All in all a good day.
Am I prepared to go back to it? More than I was yesterday. Do I still want to quit? YES. WILL I quit? Probably not today. But it's looking like it'll be soon. My income isn't helping out the household, it's for when my mom comes to visit so we can have some fun. I cant workout, I have groceries we bought on the 1st going bad, since I am not home to cook (and my husband WONT cook). My family cant learn to clean up after themselves, so I get to do it all when I get home, since I don't have the ability to sit in the mess like it's nothing. The bottom line is that this job is too much for everyone. But without the extra cash- my mom's visit will consist of her complaining that we cant afford to do anything (and I already owe her about $250 for hotel rooms in New Orleans).
But for at least one more day, I am ready to soldier on.
+239
(ate a lot of crwafish last night lol)
Wont do a blow by blow on the diet, I cant remember much of yesterday. Things will be getting back to normal soon.
I know in some situations, it's easier said than done.
My kid has been a little hard to handle lately (terrible twos) and work is getting overwhelming, I have put off so much of my life for it already, and now it's becoming even bigger, I want to quit. Last night I almost turned in everything and said thanks, but I don't NEED this crap, and I don't need this job.
Instead, I took a night off and spent it with my family.
They key to nights like this is to only do things you WANT to do, instead of HAVE to do. We ate boiled crawfish (last of the season) cuz it's currently the favorite food in the house (cheap, good, quick, fun, healthy). We went shopping for home stuff, I refused a poopie diaper (take that husband!), and we went home and watched our favorite tv program on dvd (boston legal).
All in all a good day.
Am I prepared to go back to it? More than I was yesterday. Do I still want to quit? YES. WILL I quit? Probably not today. But it's looking like it'll be soon. My income isn't helping out the household, it's for when my mom comes to visit so we can have some fun. I cant workout, I have groceries we bought on the 1st going bad, since I am not home to cook (and my husband WONT cook). My family cant learn to clean up after themselves, so I get to do it all when I get home, since I don't have the ability to sit in the mess like it's nothing. The bottom line is that this job is too much for everyone. But without the extra cash- my mom's visit will consist of her complaining that we cant afford to do anything (and I already owe her about $250 for hotel rooms in New Orleans).
But for at least one more day, I am ready to soldier on.
+239
(ate a lot of crwafish last night lol)
Wont do a blow by blow on the diet, I cant remember much of yesterday. Things will be getting back to normal soon.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
fell off the face of the earth? I think not!
I fell right off the edge of the world, but I had a rope, and I climbed up it, and I am back! Sorry for my absence.
It got to the point that something had to give. As it turned out, it was 1 week of workouts and blogging. I tried my best to eat as good as I can. I wish I could give every detail of the last week. But with being tired comes memory loss.
I did see my new obgyn (the man helping me get pregnant) and he's sending me for another a1c (yet again) he also gave me a progesterone test, and sadly it's inconclusive. A borderline result, he's pretty sure I didn't ovulate, but the number wasn't a definite yes or no. He's putting me on a clomid challenge, and I get to be a pin cushion for tests during certain points in my next cycle (oh joy). So all I can do now is wait for my next cycle to start, and with the weird bloatedness I have been feeling on n off and the inability to keep from ripping people's heads off when they annoy me, it's any day now.
I got back on the workout last sunday, it felt good, but I ditched that machine that hurt my back, I also scaled it back about 10 mins. 20 on the elliptical, 10 rowing, 15 bike, and 5 sets of 15 at 40 lbs of crunches (I think I need to add 5 pounds).
I am also 238!!! So I have been shrinking slowly. A new photo and measurement aren't far off.
So again, I apologize. I have another month of work, so if you stick with me and have patience, there will be more, better, faster!
It got to the point that something had to give. As it turned out, it was 1 week of workouts and blogging. I tried my best to eat as good as I can. I wish I could give every detail of the last week. But with being tired comes memory loss.
I did see my new obgyn (the man helping me get pregnant) and he's sending me for another a1c (yet again) he also gave me a progesterone test, and sadly it's inconclusive. A borderline result, he's pretty sure I didn't ovulate, but the number wasn't a definite yes or no. He's putting me on a clomid challenge, and I get to be a pin cushion for tests during certain points in my next cycle (oh joy). So all I can do now is wait for my next cycle to start, and with the weird bloatedness I have been feeling on n off and the inability to keep from ripping people's heads off when they annoy me, it's any day now.
I got back on the workout last sunday, it felt good, but I ditched that machine that hurt my back, I also scaled it back about 10 mins. 20 on the elliptical, 10 rowing, 15 bike, and 5 sets of 15 at 40 lbs of crunches (I think I need to add 5 pounds).
I am also 238!!! So I have been shrinking slowly. A new photo and measurement aren't far off.
So again, I apologize. I have another month of work, so if you stick with me and have patience, there will be more, better, faster!
Monday, May 10, 2010
hurried
Hey! Another busy day, big surprise there. Tomorrow is looking equally as hurried.
I just cant believe how crazy the day has been, I don't even wanna list what I did. At least my back stopped spasming, I think I stressed it during workout yesterday (that new-ish machine) took ibuprofen last night so I could relax enuff to sleep, that didn't last. With my busy sched. today I either haven't had time to notice the pain, or am too focused and it relaxed out. I have a hunch it's the 1st one.
+242 (as I slowly begin to deflate again)
B- had lunch for breakfast, altho, it was lunch time... kid and I hit the ugly mc d's again. Snack wrap n a few fries for me... yay!
L- lunch was around 3pm, had a delectable sourdough sandwich with pickle, spinach, ham, salami, mozzarella cheese, red onion. I stayed well below all recommended serving sizes on the condiments (mustard and light mayo), bread, meat and cheese. It was like a veggie sandwich with a hint of sandwich lol.
D- Steak, a decent cut. Baked. Roasted red potatoes, asparagus, and broccoli. I ate very few potatoes. Even the kid was a never ending meat and broccoli eater, I think she came to dinner with a hollow leg! There's still a lot of potatoes left... hungry? I'll save you some!
I just cant believe how crazy the day has been, I don't even wanna list what I did. At least my back stopped spasming, I think I stressed it during workout yesterday (that new-ish machine) took ibuprofen last night so I could relax enuff to sleep, that didn't last. With my busy sched. today I either haven't had time to notice the pain, or am too focused and it relaxed out. I have a hunch it's the 1st one.
+242 (as I slowly begin to deflate again)
B- had lunch for breakfast, altho, it was lunch time... kid and I hit the ugly mc d's again. Snack wrap n a few fries for me... yay!
L- lunch was around 3pm, had a delectable sourdough sandwich with pickle, spinach, ham, salami, mozzarella cheese, red onion. I stayed well below all recommended serving sizes on the condiments (mustard and light mayo), bread, meat and cheese. It was like a veggie sandwich with a hint of sandwich lol.
D- Steak, a decent cut. Baked. Roasted red potatoes, asparagus, and broccoli. I ate very few potatoes. Even the kid was a never ending meat and broccoli eater, I think she came to dinner with a hollow leg! There's still a lot of potatoes left... hungry? I'll save you some!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
coulda been worse
I wish I could say that this weekend, or mother's day for that matter was restful. I finished my job assignments on friday, so it was a good sign this weekend was gonna be easy.
Instead it allowed us to go to Shreveport and get the floor we'll be installing all over the house. Try loading and unloading 31 boxes of laminate flooring, I only did about 1/3 the work... but it was a workout. Then today was a usual sunday, minus making my own breakfast. I still did laundry, dishes, made dinner... I couldn't even escape the diaper duty.
Am I bitter, yeah I a little. But hey, it's my life, I chose to live it.
+243 (I thought it was a mistake, but no... I gained 3 pounds over night, something just ain't right)
B- husband made me 2/2 eggs sausage (not knowing I moved to 1/1)
Workout, just like last time... was a little harder I will admit, being that I was already tired.
L- salad from charlies
D- Hot dogs on wheat buns, a little bit of chips and guacamole, and a little bit of sugar free ice cream for dessert.
Today was a well behaved day.
Instead it allowed us to go to Shreveport and get the floor we'll be installing all over the house. Try loading and unloading 31 boxes of laminate flooring, I only did about 1/3 the work... but it was a workout. Then today was a usual sunday, minus making my own breakfast. I still did laundry, dishes, made dinner... I couldn't even escape the diaper duty.
Am I bitter, yeah I a little. But hey, it's my life, I chose to live it.
+243 (I thought it was a mistake, but no... I gained 3 pounds over night, something just ain't right)
B- husband made me 2/2 eggs sausage (not knowing I moved to 1/1)
Workout, just like last time... was a little harder I will admit, being that I was already tired.
L- salad from charlies
D- Hot dogs on wheat buns, a little bit of chips and guacamole, and a little bit of sugar free ice cream for dessert.
Today was a well behaved day.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Motherhood
This is a subject I have been meaning to broach for sometime, but I thought I would save it for a more appropriate time.
While I was working out, I realized my stamina is much higher that it ever has been before. It's been about 3 years
(possibly more) since I have worked out, and even then, I just couldn't muster the stamina or the ability to push myself as
hard as I do now.
I began to mull over why that was, and only came up with one answer. Motherhood.
Since I have become a mother, I can go longer without food, sleep, or stopping. I can push myself longer, harder and
much more mercilessly. I am amazed everyday on how much taxing abuse I can dole out to myself or endure from others
in the name of caring for others. And of course in that pursuit- not caring for myself at all.
It gives me a new found respect for my own mother.
It also reminds me, that altho it's nice to be able to push myself that hour in the gym even when I want to give up and
quit... I need to remember to look out for me. It's come to the point now, I set alarms to remember to take my insulin, soon
it will be alarms to remember to eat, and take my blood sugar too, bedtime... what else??
I know I'm not alone out there... MOMS... even tho your priorities have shifted toward other's needs first... it's not wrong,
or selfish or sinful to put YOU first. It may be more pressing or rewarding to put you last. But in the end the brass tax of it
is (no matter how blunt this sounds), kids move away, spouses die, and the only person you live with for the rest of your
life is you. No one else is gonna have your back for the rest of your life but you. And no one is to blame for shortening
your life but you.
You may eat well, you may exercise, you may not drink or smoke or engage in risky behavior of the common types. But
not looking out for your own needs, not eating 3 squares and taking breaks, sleeping your average 8, drinking 8 glasses
of water, peeing when your body tells you that you gotta go, showering often, thinking personal selfish thoughts that you
are entitled to have... not doing those things contributes to an early grave too!!!
So moms, non moms and non females, take this to heart; take care of yourself, you are never going to be any good to
anyone else if you don't. In the end if you want to put others first, you're giving them the short end of the stick by screwing
yourself!!!
---- TO all you who are mothers, have mothers, and all you other mutha's... Happy Mother's Day!!-----
+240 (woomp, there it is)
B- my evil husband talked me into the donut shop for a butter flaky fresh baked croissant... they were all out (bastards),
so I settled for an old, squished up croissant with a jalapeno sausage in it (not good, but at least it didn't leave me
wanting more that I should have)
L- on the road, stopped at a BBQ place called Podnuh's... so freaking good. Had sausage (this seems like a theme
today, what is it I am missing eh?) and the most amazing baked beans this side of heaven. Only 1/4 cup if that, and a
bite of not so tasty potato salad.
D- J&T's crawfish shack... mmmm... my mouth is still burning. 1/2 ear of corn, one teeny red potato, 2 pound of boiled
crawfish and one... you guessed it... sausage.
Can anyone spare a vegetable? I seem to be missing some! Green preferred!!!
While I was working out, I realized my stamina is much higher that it ever has been before. It's been about 3 years
(possibly more) since I have worked out, and even then, I just couldn't muster the stamina or the ability to push myself as
hard as I do now.
I began to mull over why that was, and only came up with one answer. Motherhood.
Since I have become a mother, I can go longer without food, sleep, or stopping. I can push myself longer, harder and
much more mercilessly. I am amazed everyday on how much taxing abuse I can dole out to myself or endure from others
in the name of caring for others. And of course in that pursuit- not caring for myself at all.
It gives me a new found respect for my own mother.
It also reminds me, that altho it's nice to be able to push myself that hour in the gym even when I want to give up and
quit... I need to remember to look out for me. It's come to the point now, I set alarms to remember to take my insulin, soon
it will be alarms to remember to eat, and take my blood sugar too, bedtime... what else??
I know I'm not alone out there... MOMS... even tho your priorities have shifted toward other's needs first... it's not wrong,
or selfish or sinful to put YOU first. It may be more pressing or rewarding to put you last. But in the end the brass tax of it
is (no matter how blunt this sounds), kids move away, spouses die, and the only person you live with for the rest of your
life is you. No one else is gonna have your back for the rest of your life but you. And no one is to blame for shortening
your life but you.
You may eat well, you may exercise, you may not drink or smoke or engage in risky behavior of the common types. But
not looking out for your own needs, not eating 3 squares and taking breaks, sleeping your average 8, drinking 8 glasses
of water, peeing when your body tells you that you gotta go, showering often, thinking personal selfish thoughts that you
are entitled to have... not doing those things contributes to an early grave too!!!
So moms, non moms and non females, take this to heart; take care of yourself, you are never going to be any good to
anyone else if you don't. In the end if you want to put others first, you're giving them the short end of the stick by screwing
yourself!!!
---- TO all you who are mothers, have mothers, and all you other mutha's... Happy Mother's Day!!-----
+240 (woomp, there it is)
B- my evil husband talked me into the donut shop for a butter flaky fresh baked croissant... they were all out (bastards),
so I settled for an old, squished up croissant with a jalapeno sausage in it (not good, but at least it didn't leave me
wanting more that I should have)
L- on the road, stopped at a BBQ place called Podnuh's... so freaking good. Had sausage (this seems like a theme
today, what is it I am missing eh?) and the most amazing baked beans this side of heaven. Only 1/4 cup if that, and a
bite of not so tasty potato salad.
D- J&T's crawfish shack... mmmm... my mouth is still burning. 1/2 ear of corn, one teeny red potato, 2 pound of boiled
crawfish and one... you guessed it... sausage.
Can anyone spare a vegetable? I seem to be missing some! Green preferred!!!
Friday, May 7, 2010
sinful convenience
I have finally stopped. FINALLY. I have been up and running since 8am. And those of you who don't know me, that's about 4 hours earlier than normal. And those of you who read last night's blog can see how little sleep I got. Man I coulda used a nap today.
Been running errands like crazy.
Food was all bad all day. I can see now why people across America are gaining weight. Convenience foods are what's killing us. If you have a job, kids, and other commitments there is no time to grocery shop and cook good, healthy at home meals. What's quick and easy? Drive thru. And there are SOME healthy alternatives mind you. But they are foods that are still designed to be sitting at a table to eat. Altho, if someone can drive, smoke, text, and apply make up I don't see why eating a salad behind the wheel could present a challenge.
It's a totally bad habit to eat and run. The reason we're gaining weight is that we've moved away from "meal time" which at one point was almost ceremonial. Set the table, say grace, eat with manners and catch up with the family. No, we just cant stop. Things to do, people to see. Still gotta eat, grab n gag drive thru, eat in the car.
The calories alone are mind boggling. Add in the sugars, cholesterol, fat... too many of those grab n gags are gonna lead to grab and drop dead. And you may think that it's not an all the time thing, or even a once a day thing. Fast food isn't the only culprit. What about vending machines? Gas stations? Mini marts? The bottom line is that if you don't make it yourself, you're getting the worst version of whatever it is.
Today had shown me, really... how I got fat, how I got sick, and why. I tried to squeeze WEEKS worth of errands into one day, because this is the 1st day I have had the car and money and free time, all at the same time. I wont bore you with details. But I got a lot done, to the detriment of my diet.
+239 (it's stayed... we'll see tomorrow tho)
B- Mcd's yep... my weakness for Mcd's breakfast took hold, but I was pretty good, sugar wise (fat is another story)... sausage mc muffin NO egg (their eggs are gross).
Workout- same ol same ol, 20 elip. added another set to crunch machine (5 reps of 15@ 40lbs), added 2 sets on a machine that hits my back and shoulder muscles (2 reps of 15 @ 20lbs), 12 on the rowing machine and 20 on the stationary bike with a res. of 5.
L- back again, had to bribe the baby to leave daycare (where she was for my workout) with french fries. 10 piece chicken nuggets are within my dietary limits, but I was STARVING, so I ate a reg. fry too... good thing too, about 10 mins after I ate I remembered to take my sugar... I was 45, tanked after the workout, so those fries ended up being guiltless.
D- bleh, pizza hut, 10 mild buffalo wings (probably okay, but I didn't ask to see the dietary stats on it, I was hungry and they had no salad bar no sandwiches avail. and they were the last place open that had no drive thru) and 2 pizza roll up thingies. I shoulda stopped at one probably.
All in all, for what it was, I am not totally ashamed. But still, not so good.
I get a day off tomorrow, I get to cook!!
Been running errands like crazy.
Food was all bad all day. I can see now why people across America are gaining weight. Convenience foods are what's killing us. If you have a job, kids, and other commitments there is no time to grocery shop and cook good, healthy at home meals. What's quick and easy? Drive thru. And there are SOME healthy alternatives mind you. But they are foods that are still designed to be sitting at a table to eat. Altho, if someone can drive, smoke, text, and apply make up I don't see why eating a salad behind the wheel could present a challenge.
It's a totally bad habit to eat and run. The reason we're gaining weight is that we've moved away from "meal time" which at one point was almost ceremonial. Set the table, say grace, eat with manners and catch up with the family. No, we just cant stop. Things to do, people to see. Still gotta eat, grab n gag drive thru, eat in the car.
The calories alone are mind boggling. Add in the sugars, cholesterol, fat... too many of those grab n gags are gonna lead to grab and drop dead. And you may think that it's not an all the time thing, or even a once a day thing. Fast food isn't the only culprit. What about vending machines? Gas stations? Mini marts? The bottom line is that if you don't make it yourself, you're getting the worst version of whatever it is.
Today had shown me, really... how I got fat, how I got sick, and why. I tried to squeeze WEEKS worth of errands into one day, because this is the 1st day I have had the car and money and free time, all at the same time. I wont bore you with details. But I got a lot done, to the detriment of my diet.
+239 (it's stayed... we'll see tomorrow tho)
B- Mcd's yep... my weakness for Mcd's breakfast took hold, but I was pretty good, sugar wise (fat is another story)... sausage mc muffin NO egg (their eggs are gross).
Workout- same ol same ol, 20 elip. added another set to crunch machine (5 reps of 15@ 40lbs), added 2 sets on a machine that hits my back and shoulder muscles (2 reps of 15 @ 20lbs), 12 on the rowing machine and 20 on the stationary bike with a res. of 5.
L- back again, had to bribe the baby to leave daycare (where she was for my workout) with french fries. 10 piece chicken nuggets are within my dietary limits, but I was STARVING, so I ate a reg. fry too... good thing too, about 10 mins after I ate I remembered to take my sugar... I was 45, tanked after the workout, so those fries ended up being guiltless.
D- bleh, pizza hut, 10 mild buffalo wings (probably okay, but I didn't ask to see the dietary stats on it, I was hungry and they had no salad bar no sandwiches avail. and they were the last place open that had no drive thru) and 2 pizza roll up thingies. I shoulda stopped at one probably.
All in all, for what it was, I am not totally ashamed. But still, not so good.
I get a day off tomorrow, I get to cook!!
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