I think I am amazed at how much of a motivator one photo can be.
Realize that I'm going through the ebbs and flows of estrogen, and I cant speak for any other women out there, but when I am at a peak of it- I get girlie.
I am not a make-up wearer, or a girlie clothing, shoes kinda girl. I roll outta bed and throw on something clean. But when that estrogen level is up, I put on make up and do something with my hair, I try to wear something flattering or slightly alluring (as alluring as you can be at 7 months pregnant anyway).
So lately the estrogen level is up up up. I looked so good (to me) the other day that I had to take a picture (it is or will be posted with this or on the main blog site for you to witness).
But seriously I am happily amazed. I am currently 244, 11 pounds heavier than my last photo posted, I am also 7 months pregnant. Trying hard not to gain too much weight so that I will be in a better position post-pregnancy, and it's not hard. But this shift in weight is amazing! I am wearing a jean size I wasn't wearing before I got pregnant. I was briefly in a size 18 back in March, but briefly. I was in a 22 before I popped positive, and have bounced between a 22 and a 24 until just recently. I am in a 20!! OMG!!
All things being what they are, I wont take it for granted, I am abut to hit a rather intense part of the pregnancy, weight is bound to change, pants size and all. But I am basking in this glory for just a minute. I feel good, I look good and I wanna stay that way.
It just reminds me of what I want to do and how I want to go about accomplishing it after this baby is born. I am excited about having her here... yes. But I want to regain the lost ground, I want to be better I want to be able to rename this blog, not 20 more pounds... but something like, I cant believe it!
I can wait the last 2 months, it's that healing time that's going to seem interminable (I may have used the wrong word there, but whatever, you get it).
I know it'll be harder with 2 kids. But no matter how it might be, I know what I am determined to make it be. I'll have to work around the hard parts, but every time I look at that photo, my determination redoubles.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Another Year gone by
Another year gone by, and most uneventful times right now.
I am not a New Year's resolution kinda gal (I made a New Year's resolution when I was 16 to not make any more resolutions). I feel like anything can be accomplished if you really want to do it, you don't need a new year or some self-promise to make it happen.
My husband is back to work after 2 weeks of vacation (altho in the military they call it leave, but we never left, more like a stay-cation). And now my partner in crime is gone and I can get back on track. He let me sleep in, and in his defence, I needed it. But I was waking up past breakfast, therefore not eating it, my numbers are all wacky, hoping that getting back on schedule will fix that. I was eating out too often (seeing as we had free time, money and access to a car), now that's gone. And I am hoping to shed the extra 5 pounds I put on, not pregnancy pounds, no no, these are out and out decadency pounds.
And I know it's unsafe to loose weight while pregnant, but here's the deal, I hit my "you can gain 15 pounds" allowance already, and statistically you gain a pound a week after the 3rd trimester starts and that's happening in about 2 weeks. SO. Back down I go, not by exercising my body, just my will to not eat out or eat crap and to eat regularly. So far so good, starting to see a backwards trend. I capped out at 246 and now this morning I saw 244, if I can loose one more pound that's great, then I am 10 pounds in from starting weight. I can cross my fingers to hit 240 again, then I am totally home free, and I can stop stressing about it.
There is nothing to do for a while, which is annoying because all it does is leave me to fantasize about the future, and far into it as well. Which makes me totally impatient. And I feel like I am just standing around doing nada... blah! Don't get me wrong, I cook, clean, knit, play with my kid, etc. But really feel like nothing is happening.
I am excited for upcoming events. My birthday is coming, and this year we'll have a little money to be able to go out and have a little fun, for a change. And anything is better than last year. Last year my daughter was sick with the flu, we had NO money seeing as our electric bill hit $400, I got a call that said my father was being moved to a hospice because is lung cancer had spread and he was dying, then I spent the next day in the hospital because when I took my daughter into the ER to be seen for liquid diarrhea I mentioned some odd numbness in my left hand... my blood sugar was near 400 (and at that time I was barely diagnosed and totally out of control). Ironically, that was not my worst birthday.
We're also waiting for the W2's to come in. Military is pretty prompt about these things, but I worked for the census last year, so I have to wait until the US gov't is kind enough to mail me mine. We're early filers, mostly because we get paid. This will be a nice return too- not because of size, but because of the burden it lifts. After the car accident we had to get a personal loan of $5000 and we're only 2 or 3 payments in. We can make the payments, but it is a good chunk out of the monthly budget that makes what was tight, yet tighter. So taxes will lighten that burden for now. And I am hoping we can keep enough to finish a few more projects in the house. Like finishing the flooring in a few rooms, and maybe painting one more room that needs is desperately. I can hope on the outside for a couple of lighting fixtures or some gardening goodies, but I think that's pushing it.
Then, of course my baby is due in April, that's the next big hurtle. But seeing as, for the moment I am in limbo- nothing can be planned there. Nothing. Until the doc's decide for certain that the cyst is a danger, for certain... because now they're hemming and hawing, I wont know any details beyond, could be a cesarean here in town (on base actually) or I have to go all the way to Shreveport for a vaginal delivery because I have to have an insulin drip in order to give birth and the hospitals around here don't have that capability. So like I said, limbo. Altho, I will say this- either way it'll be a planned thing, if it's vaginal I am going to stick my neck out and say they'll schedule an induction, seeing as Shreveport is about 3 hours away and all.
Finally, I will be busting my butt to get out to my little sister's Highschool graduation in June! Altho I have to hold my breath. First, we gotta get another personal loan (altho this one will be smaller) and he's gotta get leave, and he might not. I will still go alone, but I prefer not to if I don't gotta, if I did it would be more expensive (we'll have to rent a car) and I'll get less time (don't wanna rent it for too long).
Like I said all looking forward, no current action to take except to keep soldering on.
I am not a New Year's resolution kinda gal (I made a New Year's resolution when I was 16 to not make any more resolutions). I feel like anything can be accomplished if you really want to do it, you don't need a new year or some self-promise to make it happen.
My husband is back to work after 2 weeks of vacation (altho in the military they call it leave, but we never left, more like a stay-cation). And now my partner in crime is gone and I can get back on track. He let me sleep in, and in his defence, I needed it. But I was waking up past breakfast, therefore not eating it, my numbers are all wacky, hoping that getting back on schedule will fix that. I was eating out too often (seeing as we had free time, money and access to a car), now that's gone. And I am hoping to shed the extra 5 pounds I put on, not pregnancy pounds, no no, these are out and out decadency pounds.
And I know it's unsafe to loose weight while pregnant, but here's the deal, I hit my "you can gain 15 pounds" allowance already, and statistically you gain a pound a week after the 3rd trimester starts and that's happening in about 2 weeks. SO. Back down I go, not by exercising my body, just my will to not eat out or eat crap and to eat regularly. So far so good, starting to see a backwards trend. I capped out at 246 and now this morning I saw 244, if I can loose one more pound that's great, then I am 10 pounds in from starting weight. I can cross my fingers to hit 240 again, then I am totally home free, and I can stop stressing about it.
There is nothing to do for a while, which is annoying because all it does is leave me to fantasize about the future, and far into it as well. Which makes me totally impatient. And I feel like I am just standing around doing nada... blah! Don't get me wrong, I cook, clean, knit, play with my kid, etc. But really feel like nothing is happening.
I am excited for upcoming events. My birthday is coming, and this year we'll have a little money to be able to go out and have a little fun, for a change. And anything is better than last year. Last year my daughter was sick with the flu, we had NO money seeing as our electric bill hit $400, I got a call that said my father was being moved to a hospice because is lung cancer had spread and he was dying, then I spent the next day in the hospital because when I took my daughter into the ER to be seen for liquid diarrhea I mentioned some odd numbness in my left hand... my blood sugar was near 400 (and at that time I was barely diagnosed and totally out of control). Ironically, that was not my worst birthday.
We're also waiting for the W2's to come in. Military is pretty prompt about these things, but I worked for the census last year, so I have to wait until the US gov't is kind enough to mail me mine. We're early filers, mostly because we get paid. This will be a nice return too- not because of size, but because of the burden it lifts. After the car accident we had to get a personal loan of $5000 and we're only 2 or 3 payments in. We can make the payments, but it is a good chunk out of the monthly budget that makes what was tight, yet tighter. So taxes will lighten that burden for now. And I am hoping we can keep enough to finish a few more projects in the house. Like finishing the flooring in a few rooms, and maybe painting one more room that needs is desperately. I can hope on the outside for a couple of lighting fixtures or some gardening goodies, but I think that's pushing it.
Then, of course my baby is due in April, that's the next big hurtle. But seeing as, for the moment I am in limbo- nothing can be planned there. Nothing. Until the doc's decide for certain that the cyst is a danger, for certain... because now they're hemming and hawing, I wont know any details beyond, could be a cesarean here in town (on base actually) or I have to go all the way to Shreveport for a vaginal delivery because I have to have an insulin drip in order to give birth and the hospitals around here don't have that capability. So like I said, limbo. Altho, I will say this- either way it'll be a planned thing, if it's vaginal I am going to stick my neck out and say they'll schedule an induction, seeing as Shreveport is about 3 hours away and all.
Finally, I will be busting my butt to get out to my little sister's Highschool graduation in June! Altho I have to hold my breath. First, we gotta get another personal loan (altho this one will be smaller) and he's gotta get leave, and he might not. I will still go alone, but I prefer not to if I don't gotta, if I did it would be more expensive (we'll have to rent a car) and I'll get less time (don't wanna rent it for too long).
Like I said all looking forward, no current action to take except to keep soldering on.
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